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{NF] A Technical Investigation of Citizen Kane

2020.09.29 20:31 Subtlegi {NF] A Technical Investigation of Citizen Kane

I wrote this some time back as a term paper for a College Film Class. The reference pics have been removed to save space
A Technical Investigation of Citizen Kane
It’s Not All Black and White
📷 Citizen Kane is considered perhaps the best film ever produced. What does it contain that so many of others missed? I believe it is the imagination and technical expertise of Orson Welles and Greg Toland’s talent cocktail that forged this memorable work. To the right, notice both men on the floor setting up a low angle shot. Welles did very little alone, he was intelligent enough to use “OPB” other people’s brains. The screenplay alone does not stand up well against many other “Great Films,” it is the audio/visual experience created by the use of great techniques in lighting, photography and sound recording which make this film a masterpiece.
Over a period of twenty-five years, I have acquired a great deal of knowledge and experience in the Visual Arts. During this time I worked professionally in film, sound, and video while also enjoying the wonderful art of amateur black and white photography. My resume’ qualifies me to present a case for my thesis and in doing so I will cite technical information which is a part of my knowledge base. This combined with my research, meld into a comprehensive report on the behind the scenes wizardry of an ultra talented group of filmmakers.
📷Like most humans, I experience film through my eyes and ears, always looking deeper, beyond the dialog alone, into the complete experience. Although I hear the famous word “Rosebud” spoken by Kane, it is the atmosphere of the room, and the close up of his mouth, which amplifies the moment.
📷 Orson Welles wrote, directed, and acted in many productions of which Citizen Kane, being his best known, is the film he’ll be remembered. The following is a sampling of other productions Welles wrote, directed and more, except for this first two, written by William Shakespeare. MACBETH, described by Welles as "a violently sketched charcoal drawing of a great play," The magnificent photography by John L. Russel (Psycho) Directed by Orson Welles, and acted by Welles, Jeanette Nolan, DanO'Herlihy, Roddy McDowall, 1948. OTHELLO (production spanned three years) it won the Grand Prize at Cannes. Directed by Orson Welles, With: Welles, Suzanne Cloutier, Micheàl MacLiammoir, Robert Coote, 1952, THE LADY FROM SHANGHAI, Rita Hayworth plays a sultry wife, and includes the legendary hall-of-mirrors shootout finale. Directed and written by Orson Welles, 1947. THE MAGNIFICENT AMBERSONS, Directed and written by Orson Welles, 1942. TOUCH OF EVIL, Directed and written by Orson Welles, With: Heston, Welles, Janet Leigh, Joseph Calleia, Akim Tamiroff, Dietrich, Mercedes McCambridge, Dennis Weaver, 1958 (Starlight News).
After reading the above, it is impossible to overlook Welles as the original film multi-tasker. This man did it all. As a fine actor, writer, and director, it can be argued Welles has a bit of a control issue, but perhaps when you’re as talented as he, it’s not to unusual to not want to place your work or self in another’s hands.
The conductor of light, director of photography Greg Toland was hired from Samuel Goldwym Studios at $700.00 per week (Carringer 69). While at Goldwyn Studios Toland became regarded as one of the most creative cinematographer of the 1930.
His ‘acknowledged brilliance,’ as “American Cinematographer” magazine argued in 1942, placed him in the most nearly ideal position any Director of Photography has since the halcyon days when D.W. Griffith and Billy Blitzer were between them creating the basic techniques of the screen (American Cinematographer).
These accolades and of course the films themselves placed Toland in a position of power when negotiating with producers. Here are some items he requested and received from the producers of Citizen Kane. “RKO was obliged to employ Toland’s regular crew and rent his camera equipment from Goldwyn” (Carringer 69). He demanded these guarantees as an artist, for he had personalized his equipment, his brush, so to speak, to accommodate the style in which he shot. The crew consisting of grips, camera assistants, and gaffes were all a part of Toland’s creative bag of tricks that worked together as a one organism to accomplish the monumental task of producing a film of this caliber. Above all Toland insisted on creative control. This he had become accustomed to at Goldwyn Studios. After much success in his early career, Toland remarked, "I want to work with someone who's never made a movie. That's the only way to learn anything from someone who doesn't known anything”(Walling). He got his chance in 1941 with Citizen Kane on Orson Welles first movie. This team of Toland, and Welles became a creative partnership unsurpassed in movie making history.
There is light and the absence of light, there is shadow, created by infringing on the path of a light. These elements are the two ends of the visual spectrum. White (light), Black (shadow) and by the expected use of them, every lighting situation (in B/W) can be resolved. Mind pictures like these become possible in the right hands. Powerful light driven through small spaces cut like knives on the floor and walls. Soft light pushed through a window or down a hall washes the area like a softly driven snow. The power of this technique is obvious in the shot captured of the Walter Thatcher Library. (right) Nothing is resolved here (can be seen clearly), but it’s not the dialog or the face of the actors the filmmakers are interested in, but the mood set by the absence of light and the rod of
light coming from above. Reminiscent of a spiritual setting, the beam of light representing the entrance of the Almighty into the room.
Film is the medium that followed and in some ways took the place of paint, brush, and canvas, first with the snapshot, followed by moving pictures. In 1940 film had its limitations, even today it’s requires an informed photographer to photograph in a variety of settings with equally satisfactory results. Much of what makes an artist great is the length to which they are able to stretch the medium in which they work. This is where Welles and Toland excelled; they stretched the ability of the camera and film to lengths never before attained.
The tone of Citizen Kane is created with light, shadow, and darkness. Photography and light go hand in hand, in fact photography, as we know it, cannot exist without a light source. The way a scene is lit directly affects the resulting print. Film stocks of the late thirties, early forties were “slow” meaning the amount of exposure time (to light) with respect to the quality and resolution of the resulting print is high (long). A “fast” film with a speed of 800ASA or higher can capture an image indoors without a flash or extra lighting in a normally lit room. In 1940 a 100ASA film was considered fast, this film used in daylight would be capable of good exposure, but anything less than daylight would require lights, for a stills, a flash, for moving pictures, stage/motion picture lighting …Big, Hot, sometime noisy lights.
The film used to shoot Citizen Kane was Kodak Super XX, 100ASA which was an “off the shelf” product, that fortunately for Toland had just recently been released. Double X was “Four Times Faster” than its immediate predecessor. Without this timely release Citizen Kane may never have been made. The other variable is the amount of light needed and available, and how much one chooses to expose the film. Exposure time and aperture settings are two variables that determine, to a great extent, whether a scene will appear as bright as a 📷sunny day or full of shadows with the blackest blacks, but only grayish whites. Proper contrast presents itself as balanced if upon examination the black & white negative it exhibits the two extremes represented on the gray scale, black and white. This bias manifests in a photo that is too dark or too light and lacks contrast.
The manipulation of exposure can be seen and studied early in this film. In the scene shot in the projection room, Toland under exposed the film by not using an “average” light setting, (balanced) instead he resolved the streams of light pouring from the projection windows and placed the actors in the shadows. There is nothing wrong with this; in fact, it is exactly what they wanted. The average person taking snapshots of their children would not appreciate their photos turning out in this fashion, but the professional is an artist, and artists create moods and settings with the tools of their art. In film, what we don’t see sometimes makes the shot
📷 “Camera derives from the Latin word for room or chamber. The camera pre-dates film. The Camera Obscura or “Dark Room,” occasionally seen at scenic locations was, in its original form, a pinhole camera.
The “pinhole’ in the roof could scan the countryside by means of a rotating mirror. The image was focused on a white table in the center if the room and viewed by observers inside the “camera” (Di Guilio).
📷”The Mitchell Camera Corporation began in 1919 as a camera repair and modification shop in Hollywood, as The National Motion Picture Repair Company (Roberts 141). The film was shot with Mitchell BNC cameras (BNC stands for Blimped News reel Camera). The BNC was introduced in 1934 and the first two cameras were sold to Goldwyn Studios in 1934 and 1935. "The first important picture on which they were used was Citizen Kane" (Roberts148) In 1934, this camera made the recording of sound for film feasible. At around 35 dB, the NC was quiet enough for unblimped use in exterior sound filming, as long as the microphone was not near the camera. Later that year the BNC was introduced, the B stood for Blimped. The Blimp is a sound proof housing which surrounded the camera bringing the sound level to a very quiet 21dB! To the average person these numbers mean nothing, even with an explanation of these levels may continue to seem irrelevant. But, take it from a man who spent years on sound stages, in recordings and television studios, the difference is huge; 35dB “decibels” is the sound level in an average home, 21dB is the sound level of a whisper, or rustling leaves. These are logarithmic numbers and the difference is demonstrated by taking the next step up. 70dB is the sound level of freeway traffic and of a vacuum cleaner. The change the “blimped” camera had on motion pictures is immense! (Noise)
The camera’s angle and length of lens create perspective. A long lens creates a voyeuristic feel as if looking in from afar a good example being Hitchock’s Rear Window. A short or wide lens brings the viewer into the scene. Angles are simple to understand.
📷
Considered how you appear to a small child from its playpen? Put yourself in the it’s place, think of its perspective “low” looking up, “wide” larger than life, and somewhat distorted view. This is not a pleasant picture. The baby looking up sees a huge, distorted thing; fortunately babies are innocent and cannot put the ominous nature of their vulnerable scene in perspective. Conversely, the perspective of an adult looking down at a child is like a king from his throne, a feeling of power, not vulnerability. Perspective makes the difference. Even in a situation where those involved are adults as in a courtroom setting, perspective plays a role. In a courtroom, the judge sits up high upon their judgement seat, which forces the defendant to look up. The judge appears large and powerful, while the defendant feels small, powerless, and vulnerable. Above, strong and in control, below, weak and suppliant. Orson, digs holes (right) in floors, through walls, and flies his cameras in the air shooting from different angles, creating different perspectives. A film shot at one level is flat, without flavor and as bland as an unseasoned potato.
📷 Next we explore the topic of “depth of field” (the distance from the object nearest to the camera and the farthest that are in continuous focus) also know as “Deep Focus” The first notable example is from the footage shot in the parlor of Mrs. Kane’s boarding house. In the foreground, mother, father, and Mr.Thatcher
discuss the boy’s future while in the background young Kane is seen through the window, all in perfect focus. Another example is the scene where Kane and his wife are sitting at either end of a long dining table in the huge Xanadu, big headed Kane intimidating and distorted (not out of focus) in the foreground, his bored wife, small and insignificant in the distance, both presented in sharp detail.
📷This next frame combines two techniques, “tight composition,” and “deep focus.” Tight composition meaning a quantity of images in a relatively small frame, and deep focus, all the images in frame are in focus. The scene is when Kane walks in on Susan’s singing lesson only to hear “the Maestro,” frustrated and disgusted with Susan’s ineptness, screaming a laundry list of insults at her. Bad timing. Kane in anger reprimands “the Maestro.”
After a few critical viewings, and a quick look at my camera’s dept of field indicator, I estimate the field covered in “the Maestro” frame was approximately 18 inches to 30 feet. Probably an 18mm or 25mm lens was used which has great depth of field when stopped down to F/11 or F/16, these two numbers are aperture setting or f-stops, indicate the size of the hole the camera looks through. The larger the number the smaller the hole, and the great dept of field.
A standard photographers table supplies the following values: for an 18.5mm lens at F/8: 1' 6" to Infinity and for 25mm: 2’ 9" to Infinity. To shoot at these apertures, a 100 ASA film requires 1280-foot candles of light, which is quite high by today’s standards. (A foot-candle is equal to the light ‘one candle’ would illuminate a surface at the distance of one foot.)
The definition of Deep Focus is applicable as a frame of reference in defining Shallow Focus, in which one part of the screen is in focus and the rest blurred, thus directing the viewer's attention to the key element of the action. This was a useful technique, but not an innovation in the1930s, having been used since the early days of film, although much of it’s use was dictated by the limitations of the cameras and films of the time.
An unknown Internet author describes a fancy focus technique.
📷Toland found that extra means were needed to maintain sharpness in certain extremely deep shots. Split-focus lenses and carefully controlled double exposures sometimes turned the trick, but were difficult to set up. One example is in the sequence in which Kane's wife attempts suicide: a glass, spoon and medicine bottle in sharp focus dominate the foreground; the bed is in the middle ground; and figures enter the door in the background. Here the foreground was lighted and photographed first, with the rest of the scene in darkness. Then the foreground was silhouetted and the background was lighted and shot in focus on the same film. (Sharp Practice)
Film is the medium that in some ways followed and took the place of paint, brush, and canvas. First came the snapshot, followed by moving pictures. To this day film has limitations, but in 1940, they were manifold. Much of what makes an artist great is the length to which they stretch the medium in which they work. This is where Welles and Toland excelled; they stretched the ability of camera, film, and light to lengths never before attained.
📷Before the making of Citizen Kane sound stages and film sets were open ceiling. A lot went on just above the frame, all of it unseemly, and needed to be hid, things such as; microphones, (big ugly microphones on booms with cables hanging) and other equipment that hung from the usually high ceiling sets. This open ceiling arrangement prohibited the camera from tilting (a vertical pan) any higher than the top of a room’s wall. Toland and Welles had no desire to repeat the same old shots seen hundreds of times before. They figured a way to work around this problem. They created ceilings with muslin, now microphones and the like were hidden above this “new ceiling.” This permitted Toland to shoot from the floor, (right) actually from a hole in the floor without thought of running out of wall. Note all that ceiling showing.
📷This took the bit from Toland’s mouth, freeing him to point the camera wherever his heart desired. The frame pictured to the left is an extraordinary example for three innovations are demonstrated in one shot: covered ceilings, a low angled perspective and deep focus. Fantastic!
Who says you have to be high tech to be innovative? Artists dislike restraints, when set free, they fly high. Freedom brought us this wonderful film.
The sound on Citizen Kane encompasses dialog, sound effects, and the musical score. In reverse order, Bernard Herrman scored the film, and later went on to compose the music for other great movies, including Psycho and Taxi Driver (who can forget that sax?). Welles brought with him from radio a keen ear and an understanding of sound effects. These effects augmented the film, but were not overpowering as in some films today. One example of his subtle usage is noted by Robert Carringer. “. . . such as the typewriter heard in extreme close-up when Kane is finishing the opera review and the musical accompaniment to the light bulb that dims to signal the faltering of Susan’s singing career”(100). I’ve recorded many sound tracks for video and television and I don’t envy the task assigned to the engineers in charge of this film. Even when recording a simple spot, I used more and better equipment than the entire sound crew of Citizen Kane.
In their process . .
. . . there are two separate and distinct sound operations, each presided over by a different sound engineer. One engineer is in charge of the sound recorded during the production. His chief assistant is the operator of the boom – a microphone slung from a long metal rod and suspended above the actors’ heads (Carringer 102).
Considering the task of a “boom operator” under ordinary circumstances was difficult, on Welles’ set there were times it must have been close to impossible. Because of the muslin ceilings the operator had a much more difficult time properly placing the microphones above the actors.
Once recorded, then it went into post production, and into the hands of James G. Stewart, a sound contractor who work on some of the most famous theaters in America, including Radio City Music Hall, before moving to California and joining RKO. He was in charge of post production, in those days called “rerecording,” today mixing and overdubs.
📷In the late thirties one could not go to a local sound store and buy whatever your budget allowed, these sound engineers, were just that, “engineers,” and if they needed something they’d design and build it. The crude two-man mixing console shown here is a “one off,” built for RKO under Stewart’s direction. Prior to this point in the process, the audio is dry (no effects, or processing) it’s during the “re-recording” process that echo, reverb, effects, and overdubs are inserted and mixed. Sound persons rarely get much glory, but without them, the public might still be watching silent films (Carringer 102-3).
In closing, Citizen Kane is a technical milestone in movie making, although I find the screenplay depressing. This tale of a boy removed from his family, given an education and all the money he could ever need (so one would think). Who grows into an idealistic, generous, and kind man, who had plans to change the world, but instead the world changed him, and for that, he hates the world and himself in return. The final scene, reveals his true heart, one, once so soft, now, hardened and broke. Calling to the heavens, spoke his final word “Rosebud” the name of a sleigh he once owned, so long ago, before fate stepped in and killed the boy. When Kane spoke, “Rosebud” he was not only calling out the name of a child’s toy, no, he was calling out to the life he left behind which contained that sleigh. The life he never had the chance to live.
📷📷📷📷📷”Rosebud” “Rosebud” “Rosebud” “Rosebud” “Rosebud”
Sources Cited
American Cinematographer, “Greg Toland.” 1942. http://www.cinematographer.com (1999)
Carringer, Robert. The Making of Citizen Kane. University of California Press, Berkeley
  1. 69, 100, 103-04.
Di Giulo, Edmund. “An Historical Survey of the Professional Motion-Picture Camera.”
SMPTE Journal, NY, 1967
Forzano’s Studio Stock “Gray Scale Chart” NY, 1979.
Noise Levels In Decibels. “The Sound Level Chart”
http://www.temple.edu/CEPT/temp/dcblevel.html (Nov. 2000)
Roberts, Laurence. “The Mitchell Camera: The Machine and Its Makers”
SMPTE Journal, NY. Oct. 1981: 141, 147, 148.
Star Light News. “Orson Wells.” http://starlightnews.cjb.net/orson.htm (Nov. 2000)
The British Film Institute “Gregg Toland -Sharp Practice”
http://www.bfi.org.uk/sightandsound/archive/innovators/toland.html (Oct.2000)
Time Life “Citizen Kane Cinematography Notes”
http://www.pathfinder.com/photo/essay/kane/toland.htm (Oct. 2000)
Images: Peter Stackpole, LIFE, Welles and Toland on floor, 1.
RKO Radio Picture**:** Projection Room, 4. Mother in the Boarding House, Kane outside, 7. Tight Composition, 8. Low Ceilings, 10. Low Angle, 10.
Walling, Christopher “Cinematographer Gregg Toland”
http://www.christopherwalling.com/Pages/S&L~GreggToland.html (Nov. 2000)
Wilgus, Jack and Beverly. “A Search for Camera Obscura.” The Magic Mirror of Life.
http://brightbytes.com/cosite/what.html (Nov. 2000)
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2020.09.28 12:01 Business-Complaint-9 MY DYING LAST DAYS, GETTING F****D BY SUDDENLINK!! (Charging Me A Service $60 Fee On The 3rd Time Out, To No Avail Why I Wasn't Getting HS Net, For Him To Tell Me, "IT MAY VERY WELL BE A GHOST OR SOMETHING, BECAUSE A HOME NEARBY WAS A PASTORS WHO HELD FUNERALS THERE IN THE EARLY 1900s)

I was warned about Suddenlink when I moved to WV after losing home in Florida from hurricane. BUT, there really is no other with proper service for HS Internet. First, ordered just low internet. Within hours would get 10-20 texts/emails offering to upgrade. Took deal, $99 for Phone, 2nd Tier Cable 200 Channels and 400 MBPS HS Internet, PLUS $200 Amazon Gift Card offer. Was to be installed between 1 and 4pm. Called at 5pm, told on their way, 6:00 "En Route" 7:30, She hung up on me, 9pm, "Checked w/driver, he is Enroute". Installer didn't get here until a little after 10pm. He said, they told him I was an irate customer that demanded the installation TODAY!... LIED. He installed 2 Altice ONE boxes, both didn't work, he called his Sup. They were here until after 1am. Sup gave him the next day off, I tipped them $30. I then soon realized NONE of my devices were getting more than 35 MBPS Internet. 3 phones, Desk PC, 2 Laptops and I even had people I knew, that had never been here, to enter and log onto WiFi in case we all got a virus. NOPE, No more than 35MBPS. Called and tech came out, once...had no idea, twice, had no idea, three times w/the third so confused he said it MAY BE A GHOST because the house in front was once home to Pastor who held funerals in early 1900s. A GHOST! I then received a $60 fee on my bill for them to come out, yet nothing was fixed. Then on one of the countless calls, the CS Agent said it was because our area couldn't get those speeds! Yet, I was paying for it for NOW 5 months. He said he would have the Tech fee reversed. After calling about the Amazon card once, they told me I had to wait 90 days, second call they said I had to wait six months, third call, they gave me a number to call, number was invalid. Called now in my later part of sixth month, person gave me another number and since the tech fee did not show on my bill, he said he escalated it to priority and said it would be off. NOW, well into my 7th month, after paying all this time for 400MBPS at $99 plus taxes and fees, with the total at first being $120, then slowly each month went up to $146, I called again for the Amazon and the credit and after speaking with 5 people, I was told by one, I wouldn't get a credit for the service call because I didn't sign up for and pay for "Safeline" (Never heard of it, was never offered it, would never have taken it!..if your service doesn't work, WHY would I pay for you to fix something that never worked that you sold me). I was sent to Supervisor who said they didn't even know what Safelline was! Then HE said that I could have gotten the credit but it was now past the second billing cycle since the tech came out and they cant credit past two months! Then asked about Amazon card, got the 5th guy, after all of the others told me that I had to wait 90 days, then it was 120 days, then two different times to call 2 diff numbers, none worked, now THIS person told me this.... and this is really good!.. You ready?...."In order to receive the card, you must pay your first three bills 10 DAYS BEFORE THE DUE DATE"...He didn't say, you I had to pay it within 10 days of the due date, meaning PAST the due date and he he was also telling me, simply PAYING THE BILL ON TIME, meaning 1 day early, 3 days early, 7 days early, which in today's economy and crisis, just paying your bill on time, as long as it's not past the due date should be considered an EXCELLENT payment history, right? NOPE, I had to pay the bill no later than ten days BEFORE the due date!!!! I went back to everything I had, I typed in the phrase in various ways online and nothing came up. I looked at every bill and my contract and receipt I was given both times!...NOTHING. By the way, YES, I am dying. I have Lupus and recently was diagnosed with Stage 4 Melanoma skin cancer and had 1/4 of my torso skin taken off. Because of my Lupus, I am not able to be put under general anesthesia for staples, so they had to sew me with what they call Couch Staples. The cancer as made its way to my spine where I have three tumors and they cant do anything about them. NOW, I am not one to play the sick card, but after calling Suddenlink 18 times, that I kept track of, towards the end (More recent) I would get so frustrated at a different story told, excuse after excuse and LIES, I started letting them in on my other problems. Not that we all dont have some and don't expect special treatment, but I do expect what I paid for, not to be lied to time and time again and be f****d month after month, without even any lube!. At least others have been kind enough to offer THAT!. Yes, I joke, because I have to, but after the final call this week I lost it. When I was told I wasn't getting the card, I let loose, swore, yet never directed it at the person, and I USUALLY do not hold the reps accountable for corporate policies. HOWEVER, there is a point where you see that this company is SOOOO corrupt and that they dish out so many lies and scams, that it must really take a certain kind of person to work at a place like that and can do that to customers. I know some have kids and all that, but EVERY single person I have spoken with has lied, aimlessly uttered something like they cared and apologized, which are simply words on a cue card someone told them to say. I myself could never work at this place, EVER. I could not lie so blatantly to people. Especially when someone is so exhausted after bouncing around for 3 hours and 21 minutes as I had been this past Friday. I told the last guy, who amazingly spoke pretty good English...BECAUSE HE SPOKE IN THE QUEEN'S ENGLISH, as in British. Where HE came from I will never know. I told him Suddenlink and CEO Dexter Goei can "Go Eff themselves" and said I was cancelling as soon as I called AT&T, the only other company with decent internet service. The only other is Frontier, who wouldn't exist if it wasn't for mass exodus of pissed off Suddenlink customers and I heard their service is so bad most end up going back to Suddenlink. Ill just have to suck it up if that's the case. I have had my attorney in Los Angeles, who I admit is my Entertainment Atty and also who is handling my will since I am in the situation I am in with my health, but attorneys go to school and learn all law and then they enter into a certain field, so its not like he is totally not capable of SOMETHING, so he is filing complaints with the FCC and State Comptroller of both WV, NY and IL where their corporate filings and/or assets are kept, which includes Altice and Cablevision. He is also filing some other federal complaints other than the FCC because much of the money comes from and goes back to the company that purchased Suddenlink in 2015, or around then, that are based in France. Ironically, down on one of the street corners near the WV State Capitol Complex in Charleston, which is where I live, there has been a group of people, usually one dressed in a banana costume (Who knows, I guess to get you to look) holding signs about Suddenlink and Class Action Lawsuits filings. In my 53 years, with years that I worked FOR someone in a career position and not just "A Job", I have worked for either telecommunication companies (AT&T, Bell Atlantic and Southern Bell/BellSouth) and also the newly formed at the time because of the breakup of 'Ma'Bell' and being unregulated, with the then ability to diversify from telecommunications, the new AT&T Banking Division out of Jacksonville, Florida launching their new AT&T branded "Universal Card Visa/MC", for which I/We won the Malcolm Baldrige Award, a National award that was given for excellence in customer service. One of the requirements were that you had to have been in business for at least five years. In an unprecedented first, we won the top prize in our SECOND year. We had such high numbers they broke their own rules. AT&T Universal's CEO had the gold award melted down and made into smaller awards for each employee. I say this to show that I KNOW what kind of customer service a company not only should posses to keep customers, but that I also know when it goes beyond that, breaking laws, which they seem to have done quite clearly in my opinion and if the many class action lawsuits have any say. I also ventured into the Banking/Credit Card/Credit Reporting areas as well, including a couple years working late stage collection which even included "Skip Tracing". If anyone knows anything about that, they know that most late stage collectors, 3rd party collections and Skip Tracers, who are more PIs then Customer Service Reps and there are MANY horror stories of what Skip Tracers have done to find a person owing a debt, including calling neighbors, telling them there was a family emergency so they would walk next door to get the debtor to come to their house, only to fund the collector on the phone. Though I worked for a better bank than that, the horror stories I have heard, including repossession companies do not even come CLOSE to the lies and scams Suddenlink as pulled on FOR SURE myself, with proof, and seemingly others besides me in masses. Something needs to be done and until Im dead, I will do a little each day to chip away and warn others. I must get my roommate up for work and make breakfast and their lunch, so I don't have time to edit this for grammar or spelling, as I'm already behind, so my apology for that. Thanks
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2020.09.28 03:40 Subtlegi Citizen Kane

Citizen Kane
This was my term paper for a college film class I took some years back. I did much research, spoke with Kodak, a cameraman from the shoot, as well as being a camera buff and videographer. I took out the all of photos referenced to save space here, but if anyone likes it and wants the complete piece I'd be happy to send it to you, just let me know. gabriel
https://preview.redd.it/v6p9ng6tlsp51.jpg?width=1790&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b6458662ef0ad0112d6a5dfcbc362e7f631e45f6
A Technical Investigation of Citizen Kane
It’s Not All Black and White
📷 Citizen Kane is considered perhaps the best film ever produced. What does it contain that so many of others missed? I believe it is the imagination and technical expertise of Orson Welles and Greg Toland’s talent cocktail that forged this memorable work. To the right, notice both men on the floor setting up a low angle shot. Welles did very little alone, he was intelligent enough to use “OPB” other people’s brains. The screenplay alone does not stand up well against many other “Great Films,” it is the audio/visual experience created by the use of great techniques in lighting, photography and sound recording which make this film a masterpiece.
Over a period of twenty-five years, I have acquired a great deal of knowledge and experience in the Visual Arts. During this time I worked professionally in film, sound, and video while also enjoying the wonderful art of amateur black and white photography. My resume’ qualifies me to present a case for my thesis and in doing so I will cite technical information which is a part of my knowledge base. This combined with my research, meld into a comprehensive report on the behind the scenes wizardry of an ultra talented group of filmmakers.
📷Like most humans, I experience film through my eyes and ears, always looking deeper, beyond the dialog alone, into the complete experience. Although I hear the famous word “Rosebud” spoken by Kane, it is the atmosphere of the room, and the close up of his mouth, which amplifies the moment.
📷 Orson Welles wrote, directed, and acted in many productions of which Citizen Kane, being his best known, is the film he’ll be remembered. The following is a sampling of other productions Welles wrote, directed and more, except for this first two, written by William Shakespeare. MACBETH, described by Welles as "a violently sketched charcoal drawing of a great play," The magnificent photography by John L. Russel (Psycho) Directed by Orson Welles, and acted by Welles, Jeanette Nolan, DanO'Herlihy, Roddy McDowall, 1948. OTHELLO (production spanned three years) it won the Grand Prize at Cannes. Directed by Orson Welles, With: Welles, Suzanne Cloutier, Micheàl MacLiammoir, Robert Coote, 1952, THE LADY FROM SHANGHAI, Rita Hayworth plays a sultry wife, and includes the legendary hall-of-mirrors shootout finale. Directed and written by Orson Welles, 1947. THE MAGNIFICENT AMBERSONS, Directed and written by Orson Welles, 1942. TOUCH OF EVIL, Directed and written by Orson Welles, With: Heston, Welles, Janet Leigh, Joseph Calleia, Akim Tamiroff, Dietrich, Mercedes McCambridge, Dennis Weaver, 1958 (Starlight News).
After reading the above, it is impossible to overlook Welles as the original film multi-tasker. This man did it all. As a fine actor, writer, and director, it can be argued Welles has a bit of a control issue, but perhaps when you’re as talented as he, it’s not to unusual to not want to place your work or self in another’s hands.
The conductor of light, director of photography Greg Toland was hired from Samuel Goldwym Studios at $700.00 per week (Carringer 69). While at Goldwyn Studios Toland became regarded as one of the most creative cinematographer of the 1930.
His ‘acknowledged brilliance,’ as “American Cinematographer” magazine argued in 1942, placed him in the most nearly ideal position any Director of Photography has since the halcyon days when D.W. Griffith and Billy Blitzer were between them creating the basic techniques of the screen (American Cinematographer).
These accolades and of course the films themselves placed Toland in a position of power when negotiating with producers. Here are some items he requested and received from the producers of Citizen Kane. “RKO was obliged to employ Toland’s regular crew and rent his camera equipment from Goldwyn” (Carringer 69). He demanded these guarantees as an artist, for he had personalized his equipment, his brush, so to speak, to accommodate the style in which he shot. The crew consisting of grips, camera assistants, and gaffes were all a part of Toland’s creative bag of tricks that worked together as a one organism to accomplish the monumental task of producing a film of this caliber. Above all Toland insisted on creative control. This he had become accustomed to at Goldwyn Studios. After much success in his early career, Toland remarked, "I want to work with someone who's never made a movie. That's the only way to learn anything from someone who doesn't known anything”(Walling). He got his chance in 1941 with Citizen Kane on Orson Welles first movie. This team of Toland, and Welles became a creative partnership unsurpassed in movie making history.
There is light and the absence of light, there is shadow, created by infringing on the path of a light. These elements are the two ends of the visual spectrum. White (light), Black (shadow) and by the expected use of them, every lighting situation (in B/W) can be resolved. Mind pictures like these become possible in the right hands. Powerful light driven through small spaces cut like knives on the floor and walls. Soft light pushed through a window or down a hall washes the area like a softly driven snow. The power of this technique is obvious in the shot captured of the Walter Thatcher Library. (right) Nothing is resolved here (can be seen clearly), but it’s not the dialog or the face of the actors the filmmakers are interested in, but the mood set by the absence of light and the rod of light coming from above. Reminiscent of a spiritual setting, the beam of light representing the entrance of the Almighty into the room.
Film is the medium that followed and in some ways took the place of paint, brush, and canvas, first with the snapshot, followed by moving pictures. In 1940 film had its limitations, even today it’s requires an informed photographer to photograph in a variety of settings with equally satisfactory results. Much of what makes an artist great is the length to which they are able to stretch the medium in which they work. This is where Welles and Toland excelled; they stretched the ability of the camera and film to lengths never before attained.
The tone of Citizen Kane is created with light, shadow, and darkness. Photography and light go hand in hand, in fact photography, as we know it, cannot exist without a light source. The way a scene is lit directly affects the resulting print. Film stocks of the late thirties, early forties were “slow” meaning the amount of exposure time (to light) with respect to the quality and resolution of the resulting print is high (long). A “fast” film with a speed of 800ASA or higher can capture an image indoors without a flash or extra lighting in a normally lit room. In 1940 a 100ASA film was considered fast, this film used in daylight would be capable of good exposure, but anything less than daylight would require lights, for a stills, a flash, for moving pictures, stage/motion picture lighting …Big, Hot, sometime noisy lights.
The film used to shoot Citizen Kane was Kodak Super XX, 100ASA which was an “off the shelf” product, that fortunately for Toland had just recently been released. Double X was “Four Times Faster” than its immediate predecessor. Without this timely release Citizen Kane may never have been made. The other variable is the amount of light needed and available, and how much one chooses to expose the film. Exposure time and aperture settings are two variables that determine, to a great extent, whether a scene will appear as bright as a 📷sunny day or full of shadows with the blackest blacks, but only grayish whites. Proper contrast presents itself as balanced if upon examination the black & white negative it exhibits the two extremes represented on the gray scale, black and white. This bias manifests in a photo that is too dark or too light and lacks contrast.
The manipulation of exposure can be seen and studied early in this film. In the scene shot in the projection room, Toland under exposed the film by not using an “average” light setting, (balanced) instead he resolved the streams of light pouring from the projection windows and placed the actors in the shadows. There is nothing wrong with this; in fact, it is exactly what they wanted. The average person taking snapshots of their children would not appreciate their photos turning out in this fashion, but the professional is an artist, and artists create moods and settings with the tools of their art. In film, what we don’t see sometimes makes the shot.
📷 “Camera derives from the Latin word for room or chamber. The camera pre-dates film. The Camera Obscura or “Dark Room,” occasionally seen at scenic locations was, in its original form, a pinhole camera.
The “pinhole’ in the roof could scan the countryside by means of a rotating mirror. The image was focused on a white table in the center if the room and viewed by observers inside the “camera” (Di Guilio).
📷”The Mitchell Camera Corporation began in 1919 as a camera repair and modification shop in Hollywood, as The National Motion Picture Repair Company (Roberts 141). The film was shot with Mitchell BNC cameras (BNC stands for Blimped News reel Camera). The BNC was introduced in 1934 and the first two cameras were sold to Goldwyn Studios in 1934 and 1935. "The first important picture on which they were used was Citizen Kane" (Roberts148) In 1934, this camera made the recording of sound for film feasible. At around 35 dB, the NC was quiet enough for unblimped use in exterior sound filming, as long as the microphone was not near the camera. Later that year the BNC was introduced, the B stood for Blimped. The Blimp is a sound proof housing which surrounded the camera bringing the sound level to a very quiet 21dB! To the average person these numbers mean nothing, even with an explanation of these levels may continue to seem irrelevant. But, take it from a man who spent years on sound stages, in recordings and television studios, the difference is huge; 35dB “decibels” is the sound level in an average home, 21dB is the sound level of a whisper, or rustling leaves. These are logarithmic numbers and the difference is demonstrated by taking the next step up. 70dB is the sound level of freeway traffic and of a vacuum cleaner. The change the “blimped” camera had on motion pictures is immense! (Noise)
The camera’s angle and length of lens create perspective. A long lens creates a voyeuristic feel as if looking in from afar a good example being Hitchock’s Rear Window. A short or wide lens brings the viewer into the scene. Angles are simple to understand.
Considered how you appear to a small child from its playpen? Put yourself in the it’s place, think of its perspective “low” looking up, “wide” larger than life, and somewhat distorted view. This is not a pleasant picture. The baby looking up sees a huge, distorted thing; fortunately babies are innocent and cannot put the ominous nature of their vulnerable scene in perspective. Conversely, the perspective of an adult looking down at a child is like a king from his throne, a feeling of power, not vulnerability. Perspective makes the difference. Even in a situation where those involved are adults as in a courtroom setting, perspective plays a role. In a courtroom, the judge sits up high upon their judgement seat, which forces the defendant to look up. The judge appears large and powerful, while the defendant feels small, powerless, and vulnerable. Above, strong and in control, below, weak and suppliant. Orson, digs holes (right) in floors, through walls, and flies his cameras in the air shooting from different angles, creating different perspectives. A film shot at one level is flat, without flavor and as bland as an unseasoned potato.
📷 Next we explore the topic of “depth of field” (the distance from the object nearest to the camera and the farthest that are in continuous focus) also know as “Deep Focus” The first notable example is from the footage shot in the parlor of Mrs. Kane’s boarding house. In the foreground, mother, father, and Mr.Thatcher
discuss the boy’s future while in the background young Kane is seen through the window, all in perfect focus. Another example is the scene where Kane and his wife are sitting at either end of a long dining table in the huge Xanadu, bigheaded Kane intimidating and distorted (not out of focus) in the foreground, his bored wife, small and insignificant in the distance, both presented in sharp detail.
📷This next frame combines two techniques, “tight composition,” and “deep focus.” Tight composition meaning a quantity of images in a relatively small frame, and deep focus, all the images in frame are in focus. The scene is when Kane walks in on Susan’s singing lesson only to hear “the Maestro,” frustrated and disgusted with Susan’s ineptness, screaming a laundry list of insults at her. Bad timing. Kane in anger reprimands “the Maestro.”
After a few critical viewings, and a quick look at my camera’s dept of field indicator, I estimate the field covered in “the Maestro” frame was approximately 18 inches to 30 feet. Probably an 18mm or 25mm lens was used which has great depth of field when stopped down to F/11 or F/16, these two numbers are aperture setting or f-stops, indicate the size of the hole the camera looks through. The larger the number the smaller the hole, and the great dept of field.
A standard photographers table supplies the following values: for an 18.5mm lens at F/8: 1' 6" to Infinity and for 25mm: 2’ 9" to Infinity. To shoot at these apertures, a 100 ASA film requires 1280-foot candles of light, which is quite high by today’s standards. (A foot-candle is equal to the light ‘one candle’ would illuminate a surface at the distance of one foot.)
The definition of Deep Focus is applicable as a frame of reference in defining Shallow Focus, in which one part of the screen is in focus and the rest blurred, thus directing the viewer's attention to the key element of the action. This was a useful technique, but not an innovation in the1930s, having been used since the early days of film, although much of it’s use was dictated by the limitations of the cameras and films of the time.
An unknown Internet author describes a fancy focus technique.
📷Toland found that extra means were needed to maintain sharpness in certain extremely deep shots. Split-focus lenses and carefully controlled double exposures sometimes turned the trick, but were difficult to set up. One example is in the sequence in which Kane's wife attempts suicide: a glass, spoon and medicine bottle in sharp focus dominate the foreground; the bed is in the middle ground; and figures enter the door in the background. Here the foreground was lighted and photographed first, with the rest of the scene in darkness. Then the foreground was silhouetted and the background was lighted and shot in focus on the same film. (Sharp Practice)
Film is the medium that in some ways followed and took the place of paint, brush, and canvas. First came the snapshot, followed by moving pictures. To this day film has limitations, but in 1940, they were manifold. Much of what makes an artist great is the length to which they stretch the medium in which they work. This is where Welles and Toland excelled; they stretched the ability of camera, film, and light to lengths never before attained.
📷Before the making of Citizen Kane sound stages and film sets were open ceiling. A lot went on just above the frame, all of it unseemly, and needed to be hid, things such as; microphones, (big ugly microphones on booms with cables hanging) and other equipment that hung from the usually high ceiling sets. This open ceiling arrangement prohibited the camera from tilting (a vertical pan) any higher than the top of a room’s wall. Toland and Welles had no desire to repeat the same old shots seen hundreds of times before. They figured a way to work around this problem. They created ceilings with muslin, now microphones and the like were hidden above this “new ceiling.” This permitted Toland to shoot from the floor, (right) actually from a hole in the floor without thought of running out of wall. Note all that ceiling showing.
📷This took the bit from Toland’s mouth, freeing him to point the camera wherever his heart desired. The frame pictured to the left is an extraordinary example for three innovations are demonstrated in one shot: covered ceilings, a low angled perspective and deep focus. Fantastic!
Who says you have to be high tech to be innovative? Artists dislike restraints, when set free, they fly high. Freedom brought us this wonderful film.
The sound on Citizen Kane encompasses dialog, sound effects, and the musical score. In reverse order, Bernard Herrman scored the film, and later went on to compose the music for other great movies, including Psycho and Taxi Driver (who can forget that sax?). Welles brought with him from radio a keen ear and an understanding of sound effects. These effects augmented the film, but were not overpowering as in some films today. One example of his subtle usage is noted by Robert Carringer. “. . . such as the typewriter heard in extreme close-up when Kane is finishing the opera review and the musical accompaniment to the light bulb that dims to signal the faltering of Susan’s singing career”(100). I’ve recorded many sound tracks for video and television and I don’t envy the task assigned to the engineers in charge of this film. Even when recording a simple spot, I used more and better equipment than the entire sound crew of Citizen Kane.
In their process . .
. . . there are two separate and distinct sound operations, each presided over by a different sound engineer. One engineer is in charge of the sound recorded during the production. His chief assistant is the operator of the boom – a microphone slung from a long metal rod and suspended above the actors’ heads (Carringer 102).
Considering the task of a “boom operator” under ordinary circumstances was difficult, on Welles’ set there were times it must have been close to impossible. Because of the muslin ceilings the operator had a much more difficult time properly placing the microphones above the actors.
Once recorded, then it went into post production, and into the hands of James G. Stewart, a sound contractor who work on some of the most famous theaters in America, including Radio City Music Hall, before moving to California and joining RKO. He was in charge of postproduction, in those days called “rerecording,” today mixing and overdubs.
📷In the late thirties one could not go to a local sound store and buy whatever your budget allowed, these sound engineers, were just that, “engineers,” and if they needed something they’d design and build it. The crude two-man mixing console shown here is a “one off,” built for RKO under Stewart’s direction. Prior to this point in the process, the audio is dry (no effects, or processing) it’s during the “rerecording” process that echo, reverb, effects, and overdubs are inserted and mixed. Sound persons rarely get much glory, but without them, the public might still be watching silent films (Carringer 102-3).
In closing, Citizen Kane is a technical milestone in movie making, although I find the screenplay depressing. This tale of a boy removed from his family, given an education and all the money he could ever need (so one would think). Who grows into an idealistic, generous, and kind man, who had plans to change the world, but instead the world changed him, and for that, he hates the world and himself in return. The final scene, reveals his true heart, one, once so soft, now, hardened and broke. Calling to the heavens, spoke his final word “Rosebud” the name of a sleigh he once owned, so long ago, before fate stepped in and killed the boy. When Kane spoke, “Rosebud” he was not only calling out the name of a child’s toy, no, he was calling out to the life he left behind which contained that sleigh. The life he never had the chance to live.
📷📷📷📷📷”Rosebud” “Rosebud” “Rosebud” “Rosebud” “Rosebud”
Sources Cited
American Cinematographer, “Greg Toland.” 1942. http://www.cinematographer.com (1999)
Carringer, Robert. The Making of Citizen Kane. University of California Press, Berkeley
  1. 69, 100, 103-04.
Di Giulo, Edmund. “An Historical Survey of the Professional Motion-Picture Camera.”
SMPTE Journal, NY, 1967
Forzano’s Studio Stock “Gray Scale Chart” NY, 1979.
Noise Levels In Decibels. “The Sound Level Chart”
http://www.temple.edu/CEPT/temp/dcblevel.html (Nov. 2000)
Roberts, Laurence. “The Mitchell Camera: The Machine and Its Makers”
SMPTE Journal, NY. Oct. 1981: 141, 147, 148.
Star Light News. “Orson Wells.” http://starlightnews.cjb.net/orson.htm (Nov. 2000)
The British Film Institute “Gregg Toland -Sharp Practice”
http://www.bfi.org.uk/sightandsound/archive/innovators/toland.html (Oct.2000)
Time Life “Citizen Kane Cinematography Notes”
http://www.pathfinder.com/photo/essay/kane/toland.htm (Oct. 2000)
Images: Peter Stackpole, LIFE, Welles and Toland on floor, 1.
RKO Radio Picture: Projection Room, 4. Mother in the Boarding House, Kane outside, 7. Tight Composition, 8. Low Ceilings, 10. Low Angle, 10.
Walling, Christopher “Cinematographer Gregg Toland”
http://www.christopherwalling.com/Pages/S&L\~GreggToland.html (Nov. 2000)
Wilgus, Jack and Beverly. “A Search for Camera Obscura.” The Magic Mirror of Life.
http://brightbytes.com/cosite/what.html (Nov. 2000)
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2020.09.28 02:24 tsinnyc30 *TS* *NSW* I can't trust men, so I don't know how to love...where do i start to heal?

tw nsw rape/child sexual abuse. I write in a way thats very vivid, thats how the images in my mind work. Maybe its also because I am a writer, and it is hella drilled into us about details. All about the details. I know this can upset some people. So there is the warning.
I was a child of sexual abuse. Which made my rape at 23 worse. Much worse.
When I was 5, I was in foster care. I was a super feminine acting boy. (I am a trans woman now). My foster brothers and male figures never used to play with me. Saying things like:
"Don't you want to play with the girls, sissies don't like sports"
"Take ya gay, useless ass on somewhere" They would always leave me 
In came Carl. He always included me. He was 16/17 and he was amazing at first. He let me play super Nintendo with him. He took me to the park. He snuck me candy like Reese cups, when my Grandma told me no. I loved him. Growing up with my twin in foster care, I felt abandoned. Because I was a feminine boy, i felt doubly abandoned.
 He started asking me if I wanted to cuddle with him at night. My grandma was tired and he was always so nice to me, I don't even think she had a second thought about it. The first few sleep overs with Carl was beautiful. He would just hold me. He would tell me scary stories, then I would run to the bathroom in the dark, running back to his bad shaking. He would get me cupcakes. He would hold me, and tell me how he loved me. Until one night, it changed. He smelled funny to me, the-now-gorgeous-familar smell of Marijuana. He told me he wanted to show me a secret game. The games of men. Not knowing any better, I said show me. I loved and trusted him at 5. He was the big brother I always wanted...replacing the abandoned feeling I felt at my parents. He kissed me. He had vitiligo, and a pink spot that was so unique on the corner of his lips on his right side. I remeber the feeling of his third degree burned hands on my body. His mother tortured him and locked him in the closet for weeks on end in the Bronx. He had cigarette burns all over his body. He was still attractive. Beautiful hazel eyes. Brown skin like mines. Full pink lips. He was a boxer, he turned the hands his mother tried to take from him into weapons that made the street nickname him "Mean Machine", with how savagely he would fight guys on the street. He was also a child of sex abuse, once the system found him at 7, and placed him in group homes, which later, in my teenage years when I found out, made me totally forgave him. He did love me, even though he hurt me, but ultimately as a late teenager, he was just reliving a cycle. It does not excuse him, but compared to my rape at 23, I can forgive Carl. 
He pulled his pants down and put my tiny hands on his bigger genitalia. That was all we did the first time. He called me pretty.
"You really look like a little girl with ya long curly hair and bambi eyes". 
He orgasmed and because it didn't feel bad, I didn't see it as bad. It was just a game.
He then grabbed me softly and forced me to look at him. 
"You can't tell. If you tell, I will die. You don't want me to die right? If you tell, I will be gone and you will have nobody to play with, I will be killed horribly. This is our secret game. Only us. Okay?"
I was heartbroken. I let out a high pitch shrill cry. As I clang to him and repeated:
"Puleazhh don't die...please don't die. Please don't die...i lub you."
He held me again and we fell asleep.
The game was simple at first, just touching, but quickly it progressed.
 The 4th time I saw him, he put whip cream on himself. "I have a treat for you. If you play our secret game well, you will get a reward. You have to lick it off" 
So I did. I remember the smell of him. His just turned into a man pheromones plugging my noise. The sweat of his skin, and the sweetness of the whip cream. I gagged horribly. But he told me i was doing a Good job even though it was barely fitting. I remember his fluid on my face.
He wiped us both off and got a big ass bag of candy out his closet. Again...the behavior was painted as something good by him.
 (Im legit unnerved even though I can't help writing so candidly. To do that to a child, to lie and use manipulation is utterly insidious. To use my emotions, that he should have protected.....it id fucking gross. Gross. A 5 year old. What was sexy about me, I still occasionally peed the bed, I was dirty from always climbing and exploring things, etc...but then its not about that. But its just....ugh. I know he picked me because I was feminine and because I was a loner by the nature of what I am, a transgender individual.) This went on for months. His "you are so beautiful like a little princess", his cuddles, his playfulness. I loved it. Even the sex acts we did, i didn't mind because it was not violent nor did it hurt at that point. It was definitely uncomfortable/ weird and there was no sexual thrill for me. The only thrill was for me to please the brother I loved. If it pleased him, I was happy with that. I had turned 6 and a week later he brought me upstairs. He smelt like straight alcohol. He kissed me aggressively. "I missed my princess" His aggressiveness was scaring me. He had never acted that way before. "Ima go to De-lores. Goodnight. You being weird. (my adopted mom/ I call her grandma too). 
"No...u can't leave yet. You don't miss me?"
He pinned me down, as I yelled for him to let me go. He placed his hand over my mouth and nose, until I almost couldn't breathe and thrashed in the bed. He bent me over and tried to penetrate me, but I was wayyyyyy to small for that. So it never went in, but it was sooo painful. The edges of my hole, burned from the friction of him desperately tryna penetrate me......
He let me down on the cream color carpet of his room as I cried and hit him.
"U HURTED ME...CARL! YOU HURTED MY BUTT. YOU HURTED ME!" HE HUGGED ME AS I HEARD WHAT SOUNDED LIKE A WHISTLE NEAR THE STAIRS LEADING TO THE SECOND FLOOR. 
He placed me in the upstairs bathroom.
"If anybody asks why you up here, tell them you were using the bathroom. And im sorry. Im sorry. You forgive me. I'll make it up to you. I promise. Say you forgive me...please."
"I...forgived...u...." 
I said wiping snot away.
A week later. My grandma sat me down. She asked if anyone was touching us. She looked evil though. I know she would never hurt me, but I loved Carl like family. She had hell and brimstone in her irises, and she got into one of her righteous rants, where she said she would kill for me, kill for my brother, nobody would hurt us.
I don't know if she meant it, but she scared me into silence. I don't blame her. Its hard even bringing those topics up without emotion. But I didn't want Carl to die. So I shut up. At 6, I shut up. I didn't want him to die. And her words made what he said reality in my head.
I never went to him anymore though after my Grandma's talk and him tryna penetrate me. I never let him get me alone. He would try to bribe me with food, candy, video games, begging, clothes, money...but i never went.
He went to Juvie a few months later for stabbing a boy in the face over street wars.
 Life was normal until 11. In fourth grade, I was taking a NYS official test, I was answering a question about the Native American indigenous to NY state and boom: (There were two paintings in the upstairs hallway. My grandma had a picture of a Native man, with striking features, in a swamp, grabbing a snake. It was next to a picture of a black girl playing double dutch. That question connected back to that picture) 
It all played out in my mind like a movie. I didn't even realize I had suppressed it that much. I fought back tears and (I work well in stress, idk why but I do), I got a 97%.
 After that day I became hypersexual. When I think about it, I always was....touching boys and girls. Kissing girls and boys, playing house and being the wife. Always too fucking touchy and in people's personal space. But I guess at 11, puberty hit me full force and the idea of sex became something constant in me. Before that it was all mimicry of what happened to me. At 11, these thoughts entered me and would not leave. I wanted real sex after that moment. It is hell to be hypersexual at 11. My southern-upbrung Grandma was definitely not ready for that. Then my thoughts were about boys. I was consumed with them. Especially older men. Taking my friend in the closet and telling him I love him, while I pull his penis out and offer him a blow job. 
"...ok...ok...idk..but if its you...ok"
 I started fucking myself with things. The ends of a big screw driver with a soft silicon handle. An ugly yellow toy banana I found at Family Dollars. Fingers. It was like older men knew I was in a heat, I didn't want. I would masturbate like 7 times a day. It was never enough. It was all consuming. An older man who liked me gave me a dildo, he never had sex with me though. We would just talk about how it felt when I penetrate myself. He would stutter and cum to my stories. (I lose myself in good anal sex. I still do, I dissassociate in a good way, the noise of the world falls away and all I am in those moments are a body, feeling. There is no analyzing life, or existential crises. There is not a thousand thoughts in my head. No ptsd or bpd or bipolaor depression or all those mental illness therapists told me I had directly and not so directly) This feeling of shame came when I couldn't stop the thoughts. I was something bad and deviant. My thoughts were deviant, so I locked them up tightly. Even though they were ever present Carl came out of juvie/prison when I was 12. His 6 pack all those years ago had turned into an 8 pack. His slender, toned teen body, had grown into a young man's body. I was drawn to him. He felt indebted to me. 
I remember at 12, when of his hood friends used to flirt with me. Nothing crazy, just a little flirtatious. Always tryna wrestle me. Always tryna get my attention.
I came home one afternoon to him surprising me, him agitated.
"Jay is fucking with you D?" "No he is cool" "Lemme know cuz I will end any nigga for you. You hear me...any of them. You mines. You hear me!" 
My grandma sat on her bed smiling. Like aww look at the older brother being protective.
It wasn't protection though. He still felt like i belonged to him some way even though he never made anymore moves. He also felt guilty.
He was always giving me stuff. Clothes. Food. Money. Anything. It could have been his last.
I would watch him shower. He would leave the door open slightly. I would peek and look at his naked body, until my mind went crazy in heat. One Night, he left his shirt on the floor as he showered. I had a small t-shirt on and these too tight underwear. On the same cream color floor where he tried to penetrate me, i pentrated myself with that, ugly yellow banana, inhaling the intoxicating smell of his shirt. I was so into it, I didn't feel his eyes on me. 
He was watching me smell his shirt and fuck myself.
 He was hard and staring when I came on his rug. "We can't do that nomore. What i did was wrong....but fuck...you looked so sexy....still with the soft skin and big bambi eyes." "Fuck all that...i want you to fuck me..." "What's gotten into you...you used to be so innocent and sweet. We don't have to. I will always be be ya side. You still sexy though God. Even more sexy." "I don't know how to handle what you exposed to me. I want dick in me all the time. 24/7. I dream about it. I day dream about it. I fantasize about it. Please Carl, fuck me...please" "Im too big and people in the house and...." 
I got up knocking all the shit off his dresser. There's a rage in me, a darkness. A need. Impulsivity. Like every emotion is competing for best actress.
I started crying in pure fucking frustration. 
"So you could try to fuck me at 6, you pedo, but 12 is too old? Fuck you nigga. I hate what you did to me. You made me so fucking weird and now!!!!! You don't want to FUCKING continue. I hate you. Fucking die."
He hugged me like when I was little.
"You went me that bad? To finally have me truly take ya virginity. Wait a little longer okay. But look at me...clearly I'm excited. Just wait...ok? Sex starves D might be the seseries. (Him referring to me at 5/6 as sexy 🤢🤮, when I think about that disgusting convo) I pouted. He gave me 300 from his drug business to shut up. 
After that, every time he would pass me, he would feel on me. I'd wear little t shirts where my nipples poked out and pajamas too small, so my little butt could poke out.
He would touch me and kiss me in rushing. He was never home, always in the street. 
At 13, he died from a gunshot wound to the heart. He never did get to fuck me.
(Sometimes, when im depressed, and analytical, I think if all that really did propel me on my way to my life now. I pass as a woman and live an alright life, even with the trauma, but my Mom says when things like that happen to us so young, they become apart of our psyche. Not to say I would have been a sterotypical masculine male....but is this why I like being called princess and good girl, is this one of the reasons why I so desperately clung to womanhood, is this why, especially young, all my sexual fantasies were of me being penetrated by older, well hung, developed men. How much of it is my true nature, how much was groomed into me. The choking, the hypersexuality in my youth, the crazy sex adventures I found myself in. I don't think about it often. Its one of those questions that if I let it sit too long in me, will undo me. I love my transition (mostly) but that thought is scary. To think that, the person I am today can be attributed, at the least, slightly, to my childhood trauma)
The real trauma happened at 23. When i was 23, I dated this guy named Jason for 6 months. I had just started transistioning for a few months. He took me out. I met his close friends. I met his cousins. The sex was good, he was sweet and passionate. I felt like i was falling for him. Lucky. Special
I was a new trans woman, and most guys arent always so kind to not so passable trans women.
He treated me like a woman. How I always wanted to be treated.
Up until the night I told him no.
We had went out on a night on the town. The place is near west 4th street in NYC. It is called the Fat Black Pussy Cat. He bought me these bomb ass nachos and like 13 tequila shots. My stomach was queasy and I couldn't keep my head from spinning.
I get home and boom, sleep.
His body weight and his massive hands on me woke me up. (5'9 150 to his 6'5 250 pure muscled body). He was an athlete and he had went to prison. I never saw it as a red flag because it was a white collar crime.
He wanted sex.
I said no. I'm nauseous. In the morning bae.
It took my brain 10 minutes to catch up to what was going on.
My laughs and his stoic face.
My giggles and "stop playing Jason, in the morning im ride it good daddy." fall on a face that was determined.
His hand on my throat squeezing tighter and tighter.
When I realized what was happening (i'm also a childhood survivor as well). I fought. Two rights to his eyes and nose. He laughed. I ran for my kitchen, and picked up a knife but he slammed me.
Those first few moments were straight anxiety. Me, running full speed over my couch; him catching my leg and my face hitting the floor.
Me, head butting him right in his lip. I sunk my teeth into his shoulder blade. He slammed my body face first into my living room wall.
I remember the sound of glass breaking as he slammed my back against my glass coffee table. Bits of glass, like glass splinters, on the side of my spine.
I remember the anxious feeling turning into a doomed one, when my strength and stamina didn't match up to his. Even just 10 months on estrogen shots and anti testestorone pills had made me weaker. Like 50 percent weaker
His laughter in my ear as he said:
"I like girls with heart, ya are more satisfying to break"
After 20 minutes he got tired. Not physically tired. Tired of this fight in me.
I was on my last wind. Every nerve in my body was in fire from fighting with him so long. I grew up fighting and winning as a feminine boy. But as a trans women, on hrt, a high dosage, its just not the same.
I remember my teeth cutting into my jaw as he slammed my head into the kitchen tiles, the hemoglobin left the taste of iron in my head.
He punched my ribs, knocking the wind out of me. Stomped my right hand. I just laid there, as the reality of my situation set in.
Im not getting away.
"Isn't this why you transistioned...to entice men. Didn't you do this to become mines"
I dissassociated as he choked me until i couldn't breathe. Color flashed in front of my eyes. I focused on my cat in a corner, a white ball, like this had happened to her before . I didn't want to die from fighting for the right over my body. So I mentally left.
I focused on a dustball under my stove
I stared at a dead sparrow on my kitchen window ledge I had never noticed. I imagined I was that bird. Dead. If I'm dead, I can't feel and if I can't feel, this is not happening to me.
His kisses on my shoulder....and his "there's my baby girl", was worse than the rape or beating. That memory lives under my skin. His attempted intimacy daring rape. How....how....
It makes me so mad and digusted. Like I wanna take my nails to my skin to kill that fucking memory.
I wanted him to be evil. You are a fucking monster, fucking show it, you disgusting, deviant, criminally sadistic bastard. If you wanna be evil.
He caressed and kissed my unresponsive body.
Pushing his dick into my dry walls, slightly ripping me.
It was messy because I was not ready nor did I prep. It hurt because he went in dry.
I didn't even scream, as I felt myself tear a little. I just stared....i was death in those moments.
He left me there saying "I love you Daisy". I stayed on the ground for 30 minutes. No thoughts. I just stared. My kitty Carmen licked my face and I cried so horribly, stirred back to reality by her. She left white hairs on my chin as she turned into a ball under my neck.
He left anal fissures in me and a hemorrhoid. It hurt to use the bathroom for 10 days. He had fractured the bone below my right index finger. My left eye was filled with blood. When he slammed my head in the kitchen, blood filled into it. I looked like an extra in the Walking dead.
I never told because I am transgender. They don't care if we live let alone if we are raped.
I swallowed it. Never telling anybody for years, going to school the next day like I was in a car accident and smiling.
I sometimes attack men in my sleep. My exs always tell me how wild I sleep at night and how they can't touch me when im deep sleeping or I become violent.
I have extreme pstd at times. Fits of paranoia and rage.
I don't trust men. Nor do I think I can ever conventionally date again. I try but I leave or dip...or go m.i.a. i just don't feel connected to me like I once did. Its been so many secual wrongs done to me.
But him making me almost love him and then brutally raping me, was the one sexual trauma to truly do me in.
Even if i like a guy, there's a subliminal voice in my head telling me:
"All men are predators, some just are more good at hiding it"
I never hated my transition until that moment. That sheer terror of my body failing me. The sheer terror of my physical strength changed. The utter hopelessness.
"Damn I made myself a fucking target. I had to be a fucking tranny. I'm weak now and can't even protect myself."
And i don't think I can ever trust any man 100 percent. Maybe...at best...99 percent.
But it has made me lonely and depressive. How do I love again? How do I learn to trust?
I don't want to die without finding true love but at this progression...im be an old trans woman with mad cats. Bitter and jaded, seeing the world as evil.
I used to be so carefree. Now I trust nothing.
How do I get a piece of the old me back?
How do I move on?
The memories being like movies. I can see all the details.
 Im ready to heal. 
submitted by tsinnyc30 to stories [link] [comments]


2020.09.28 02:21 tsinnyc30 *Tw* *nsw* (trans woman, 30) I don't know how to be close to men anymore when I think about it all. (Vivid, candid, and graphic)

tw nsw rape/child sexual abuse. I write in a way thats very vivid, thats how the images in my mind work. Maybe its also because I am a writer, and it is hella drilled into us about details. All about the details. I know this can upset some people. So there is the warning.
I was a child of sexual abuse. Which made my rape at 23 worse. Much worse.
When I was 5, I was in foster care. I was a super feminine acting boy. (I am a trans woman now). My foster brothers and male figures never used to play with me. Saying things like:
"Don't you want to play with the girls, sissies don't like sports"
"Take ya gay, useless ass on somewhere" They would always leave me 
In came Carl. He always included me. He was 16/17 and he was amazing at first. He let me play super Nintendo with him. He took me to the park. He snuck me candy like Reese cups, when my Grandma told me no. I loved him. Growing up with my twin in foster care, I felt abandoned. Because I was a feminine boy, i felt doubly abandoned.
 He started asking me if I wanted to cuddle with him at night. My grandma was tired and he was always so nice to me, I don't even think she had a second thought about it. The first few sleep overs with Carl was beautiful. He would just hold me. He would tell me scary stories, then I would run to the bathroom in the dark, running back to his bad shaking. He would get me cupcakes. He would hold me, and tell me how he loved me. Until one night, it changed. He smelled funny to me, the-now-gorgeous-familar smell of Marijuana. He told me he wanted to show me a secret game. The games of men. Not knowing any better, I said show me. I loved and trusted him at 5. He was the big brother I always wanted...replacing the abandoned feeling I felt at my parents. He kissed me. He had vitiligo, and a pink spot that was so unique on the corner of his lips on his right side. I remeber the feeling of his third degree burned hands on my body. His mother tortured him and locked him in the closet for weeks on end in the Bronx. He had cigarette burns all over his body. He was still attractive. Beautiful hazel eyes. Brown skin like mines. Full pink lips. He was a boxer, he turned the hands his mother tried to take from him into weapons that made the street nickname him "Mean Machine", with how savagely he would fight guys on the street. He was also a child of sex abuse, once the system found him at 7, and placed him in group homes, which later, in my teenage years when I found out, made me totally forgave him. He did love me, even though he hurt me, but ultimately as a late teenager, he was just reliving a cycle. It does not excuse him, but compared to my rape at 23, I can forgive Carl. 
He pulled his pants down and put my tiny hands on his bigger genitalia. That was all we did the first time. He called me pretty.
"You really look like a little girl with ya long curly hair and bambi eyes". 
He orgasmed and because it didn't feel bad, I didn't see it as bad. It was just a game.
He then grabbed me softly and forced me to look at him. 
"You can't tell. If you tell, I will die. You don't want me to die right? If you tell, I will be gone and you will have nobody to play with, I will be killed horribly. This is our secret game. Only us. Okay?"
I was heartbroken. I let out a high pitch shrill cry. As I clang to him and repeated:
"Puleazhh don't die...please don't die. Please don't die...i lub you."
He held me again and we fell asleep.
The game was simple at first, just touching, but quickly it progressed.
 The 4th time I saw him, he put whip cream on himself. "I have a treat for you. If you play our secret game well, you will get a reward. You have to lick it off" 
So I did. I remember the smell of him. His just turned into a man pheromones plugging my noise. The sweat of his skin, and the sweetness of the whip cream. I gagged horribly. But he told me i was doing a Good job even though it was barely fitting. I remember his fluid on my face.
He wiped us both off and got a big ass bag of candy out his closet. Again...the behavior was painted as something good by him.
 (Im legit unnerved even though I can't help writing so candidly. To do that to a child, to lie and use manipulation is utterly insidious. To use my emotions, that he should have protected.....it id fucking gross. Gross. A 5 year old. What was sexy about me, I still occasionally peed the bed, I was dirty from always climbing and exploring things, etc...but then its not about that. But its just....ugh. I know he picked me because I was feminine and because I was a loner by the nature of what I am, a transgender individual.) This went on for months. His "you are so beautiful like a little princess", his cuddles, his playfulness. I loved it. Even the sex acts we did, i didn't mind because it was not violent nor did it hurt at that point. It was definitely uncomfortable/ weird and there was no sexual thrill for me. The only thrill was for me to please the brother I loved. If it pleased him, I was happy with that. I had turned 6 and a week later he brought me upstairs. He smelt like straight alcohol. He kissed me aggressively. "I missed my princess" His aggressiveness was scaring me. He had never acted that way before. "Ima go to De-lores. Goodnight. You being weird. (my adopted mom/ I call her grandma too). 
"No...u can't leave yet. You don't miss me?"
He pinned me down, as I yelled for him to let me go. He placed his hand over my mouth and nose, until I almost couldn't breathe and thrashed in the bed. He bent me over and tried to penetrate me, but I was wayyyyyy to small for that. So it never went in, but it was sooo painful. The edges of my hole, burned from the friction of him desperately tryna penetrate me......
He let me down on the cream color carpet of his room as I cried and hit him.
"U HURTED ME...CARL! YOU HURTED MY BUTT. YOU HURTED ME!" HE HUGGED ME AS I HEARD WHAT SOUNDED LIKE A WHISTLE NEAR THE STAIRS LEADING TO THE SECOND FLOOR. 
He placed me in the upstairs bathroom.
"If anybody asks why you up here, tell them you were using the bathroom. And im sorry. Im sorry. You forgive me. I'll make it up to you. I promise. Say you forgive me...please."
"I...forgived...u...." 
I said wiping snot away.
A week later. My grandma sat me down. She asked if anyone was touching us. She looked evil though. I know she would never hurt me, but I loved Carl like family. She had hell and brimstone in her irises, and she got into one of her righteous rants, where she said she would kill for me, kill for my brother, nobody would hurt us.
I don't know if she meant it, but she scared me into silence. I don't blame her. Its hard even bringing those topics up without emotion. But I didn't want Carl to die. So I shut up. At 6, I shut up. I didn't want him to die. And her words made what he said reality in my head.
I never went to him anymore though after my Grandma's talk and him tryna penetrate me. I never let him get me alone. He would try to bribe me with food, candy, video games, begging, clothes, money...but i never went.
He went to Juvie a few months later for stabbing a boy in the face over street wars.
 Life was normal until 11. In fourth grade, I was taking a NYS official test, I was answering a question about the Native American indigenous to NY state and boom: (There were two paintings in the upstairs hallway. My grandma had a picture of a Native man, with striking features, in a swamp, grabbing a snake. It was next to a picture of a black girl playing double dutch. That question connected back to that picture) 
It all played out in my mind like a movie. I didn't even realize I had suppressed it that much. I fought back tears and (I work well in stress, idk why but I do), I got a 97%.
 After that day I became hypersexual. When I think about it, I always was....touching boys and girls. Kissing girls and boys, playing house and being the wife. Always too fucking touchy and in people's personal space. But I guess at 11, puberty hit me full force and the idea of sex became something constant in me. Before that it was all mimicry of what happened to me. At 11, these thoughts entered me and would not leave. I wanted real sex after that moment. It is hell to be hypersexual at 11. My southern-upbrung Grandma was definitely not ready for that. Then my thoughts were about boys. I was consumed with them. Especially older men. Taking my friend in the closet and telling him I love him, while I pull his penis out and offer him a blow job. 
"...ok...ok...idk..but if its you...ok"
 I started fucking myself with things. The ends of a big screw driver with a soft silicon handle. An ugly yellow toy banana I found at Family Dollars. Fingers. It was like older men knew I was in a heat, I didn't want. I would masturbate like 7 times a day. It was never enough. It was all consuming. An older man who liked me gave me a dildo, he never had sex with me though. We would just talk about how it felt when I penetrate myself. He would stutter and cum to my stories. (I lose myself in good anal sex. I still do, I dissassociate in a good way, the noise of the world falls away and all I am in those moments are a body, feeling. There is no analyzing life, or existential crises. There is not a thousand thoughts in my head. No ptsd or bpd or bipolaor depression or all those mental illness therapists told me I had directly and not so directly) This feeling of shame came when I couldn't stop the thoughts. I was something bad and deviant. My thoughts were deviant, so I locked them up tightly. Even though they were ever present Carl came out of juvie/prison when I was 12. His 6 pack all those years ago had turned into an 8 pack. His slender, toned teen body, had grown into a young man's body. I was drawn to him. He felt indebted to me. 
I remember at 12, when of his hood friends used to flirt with me. Nothing crazy, just a little flirtatious. Always tryna wrestle me. Always tryna get my attention.
I came home one afternoon to him surprising me, him agitated.
"Jay is fucking with you D?" "No he is cool" "Lemme know cuz I will end any nigga for you. You hear me...any of them. You mines. You hear me!" 
My grandma sat on her bed smiling. Like aww look at the older brother being protective.
It wasn't protection though. He still felt like i belonged to him some way even though he never made anymore moves. He also felt guilty.
He was always giving me stuff. Clothes. Food. Money. Anything. It could have been his last.
I would watch him shower. He would leave the door open slightly. I would peek and look at his naked body, until my mind went crazy in heat. One Night, he left his shirt on the floor as he showered. I had a small t-shirt on and these too tight underwear. On the same cream color floor where he tried to penetrate me, i pentrated myself with that, ugly yellow banana, inhaling the intoxicating smell of his shirt. I was so into it, I didn't feel his eyes on me. 
He was watching me smell his shirt and fuck myself.
 He was hard and staring when I came on his rug. "We can't do that nomore. What i did was wrong....but fuck...you looked so sexy....still with the soft skin and big bambi eyes." "Fuck all that...i want you to fuck me..." "What's gotten into you...you used to be so innocent and sweet. We don't have to. I will always be be ya side. You still sexy though God. Even more sexy." "I don't know how to handle what you exposed to me. I want dick in me all the time. 24/7. I dream about it. I day dream about it. I fantasize about it. Please Carl, fuck me...please" "Im too big and people in the house and...." 
I got up knocking all the shit off his dresser. There's a rage in me, a darkness. A need. Impulsivity. Like every emotion is competing for best actress.
I started crying in pure fucking frustration. 
"So you could try to fuck me at 6, you pedo, but 12 is too old? Fuck you nigga. I hate what you did to me. You made me so fucking weird and now!!!!! You don't want to FUCKING continue. I hate you. Fucking die."
He hugged me like when I was little.
"You went me that bad? To finally have me truly take ya virginity. Wait a little longer okay. But look at me...clearly I'm excited. Just wait...ok? Sex starves D might be the seseries. (Him referring to me at 5/6 as sexy 🤢🤮, when I think about that disgusting convo) I pouted. He gave me 300 from his drug business to shut up. 
After that, every time he would pass me, he would feel on me. I'd wear little t shirts where my nipples poked out and pajamas too small, so my little butt could poke out.
He would touch me and kiss me in rushing. He was never home, always in the street. 
At 13, he died from a gunshot wound to the heart. He never did get to fuck me.
(Sometimes, when im depressed, and analytical, I think if all that really did propel me on my way to my life now. I pass as a woman and live an alright life, even with the trauma, but my Mom says when things like that happen to us so young, they become apart of our psyche. Not to say I would have been a sterotypical masculine male....but is this why I like being called princess and good girl, is this one of the reasons why I so desperately clung to womanhood, is this why, especially young, all my sexual fantasies were of me being penetrated by older, well hung, developed men. How much of it is my true nature, how much was groomed into me. The choking, the hypersexuality in my youth, the crazy sex adventures I found myself in. I don't think about it often. Its one of those questions that if I let it sit too long in me, will undo me. I love my transition (mostly) but that thought is scary. To think that, the person I am today can be attributed, at the least, slightly, to my childhood trauma)
The real trauma happened at 23. When i was 23, I dated this guy named Jason for 6 months. I had just started transistioning for a few months. He took me out. I met his close friends. I met his cousins. The sex was good, he was sweet and passionate. I felt like i was falling for him. Lucky. Special
I was a new trans woman, and most guys arent always so kind to not so passable trans women.
He treated me like a woman. How I always wanted to be treated.
Up until the night I told him no.
We had went out on a night on the town. The place is near west 4th street in NYC. It is called the Fat Black Pussy Cat. He bought me these bomb ass nachos and like 13 tequila shots. My stomach was queasy and I couldn't keep my head from spinning.
I get home and boom, sleep.
His body weight and his massive hands on me woke me up. (5'9 150 to his 6'5 250 pure muscled body). He was an athlete and he had went to prison. I never saw it as a red flag because it was a white collar crime.
He wanted sex.
I said no. I'm nauseous. In the morning bae.
It took my brain 10 minutes to catch up to what was going on.
My laughs and his stoic face.
My giggles and "stop playing Jason, in the morning im ride it good daddy." fall on a face that was determined.
His hand on my throat squeezing tighter and tighter.
When I realized what was happening (i'm also a childhood survivor as well). I fought. Two rights to his eyes and nose. He laughed. I ran for my kitchen, and picked up a knife but he slammed me.
Those first few moments were straight anxiety. Me, running full speed over my couch; him catching my leg and my face hitting the floor.
Me, head butting him right in his lip. I sunk my teeth into his shoulder blade. He slammed my body face first into my living room wall.
I remember the sound of glass breaking as he slammed my back against my glass coffee table. Bits of glass, like glass splinters, on the side of my spine.
I remember the anxious feeling turning into a doomed one, when my strength and stamina didn't match up to his. Even just 10 months on estrogen shots and anti testestorone pills had made me weaker. Like 50 percent weaker
His laughter in my ear as he said:
"I like girls with heart, ya are more satisfying to break"
After 20 minutes he got tired. Not physically tired. Tired of this fight in me.
I was on my last wind. Every nerve in my body was in fire from fighting with him so long. I grew up fighting and winning as a feminine boy. But as a trans women, on hrt, a high dosage, its just not the same.
I remember my teeth cutting into my jaw as he slammed my head into the kitchen tiles, the hemoglobin left the taste of iron in my head.
He punched my ribs, knocking the wind out of me. Stomped my right hand. I just laid there, as the reality of my situation set in.
Im not getting away.
"Isn't this why you transistioned...to entice men. Didn't you do this to become mines"
I dissassociated as he choked me until i couldn't breathe. Color flashed in front of my eyes. I focused on my cat in a corner, a white ball, like this had happened to her before . I didn't want to die from fighting for the right over my body. So I mentally left.
I focused on a dustball under my stove
I stared at a dead sparrow on my kitchen window ledge I had never noticed. I imagined I was that bird. Dead. If I'm dead, I can't feel and if I can't feel, this is not happening to me.
His kisses on my shoulder....and his "there's my baby girl", was worse than the rape or beating. That memory lives under my skin. His attempted intimacy daring rape. How....how....
It makes me so mad and digusted. Like I wanna take my nails to my skin to kill that fucking memory.
I wanted him to be evil. You are a fucking monster, fucking show it, you disgusting, deviant, criminally sadistic bastard. If you wanna be evil.
He caressed and kissed my unresponsive body.
Pushing his dick into my dry walls, slightly ripping me.
It was messy because I was not ready nor did I prep. It hurt because he went in dry.
I didn't even scream, as I felt myself tear a little. I just stared....i was death in those moments.
He left me there saying "I love you Daisy". I stayed on the ground for 30 minutes. No thoughts. I just stared. My kitty Carmen licked my face and I cried so horribly, stirred back to reality by her. She left white hairs on my chin as she turned into a ball under my neck.
He left anal fissures in me and a hemorrhoid. It hurt to use the bathroom for 10 days. He had fractured the bone below my right index finger. My left eye was filled with blood. When he slammed my head in the kitchen, blood filled into it. I looked like an extra in the Walking dead.
I never told because I am transgender. They don't care if we live let alone if we are raped.
I swallowed it. Never telling anybody for years, going to school the next day like I was in a car accident and smiling.
I sometimes attack men in my sleep. My exs always tell me how wild I sleep at night and how they can't touch me when im deep sleeping or I become violent.
I have extreme pstd at times. Fits of paranoia and rage.
I don't trust men. Nor do I think I can ever conventionally date again. I try but I leave or dip...or go m.i.a. i just don't feel connected to me like I once did. Its been so many secual wrongs done to me.
But him making me almost love him and then brutally raping me, was the one sexual trauma to truly do me in.
Even if i like a guy, there's a subliminal voice in my head telling me:
"All men are predators, some just are more good at hiding it"
I never hated my transition until that moment. That sheer terror of my body failing me. The sheer terror of my physical strength changed. The utter hopelessness.
"Damn I made myself a fucking target. I had to be a fucking tranny. I'm weak now and can't even protect myself."
And i don't think I can ever trust any man 100 percent. Maybe...at best...99 percent.
But it has made me lonely and depressive. How do I love again? How do I learn to trust?
I don't want to die without finding true love but at this progression...im be an old trans woman with mad cats. Bitter and jaded, seeing the world as evil.
I used to be so carefree. Now I trust nothing.
How do I get a piece of the old me back?
How do I move on?
The memories being like movies. I can see all the details.
 Im ready to heal. 
submitted by tsinnyc30 to adultsurvivors [link] [comments]


2020.09.26 01:49 parkingturtle New Big Contest Submission: Big Wight and her stand Woodstock

Name: Big Wight (Namesake: Isle of Wight Festival ; Real name: Laura Brown)
Nationality: American
Race/Ethnicity: Caucasian
Date of birth: July 16th 1993 (Cancer)
Gender: Female
Backstory: Born in Albany, NY, USA in 1987, Laura Brown had a bad start in life. Her father was often violent toward her and her mother. This went on until she was 7 when her dad killed her mom in front of her eyes in the kitchen with a knife. Then, as he was approaching her, he suddenly fell dead with a rolling pin incrusted through his head. Following this event, Laura had gained some heavy psychological damage and became pretty violent herself, with unnatural events often happening around her. She went from foster family to foster family for years, often rejected for her aggressive behavior. She even committed some small crimes here and there. At 17, she joined a hippie community. She really loved and shared their values. Meditation even helped her control her urges for a few months. Then, an altercation escalated and everyone in the community apart from her was found dead the next day with logs, guitars or knives incrusted into their head. After that, she kept her hippie style and habits that she enjoyed so much. After several years of inexplicably violent murders throughout the northeastern states, Big Orca managed to put a name on that crazy psychopath. He hired Laura as an assassin when she was 23. Her efficiency allowed her to quickly climb in the hierarchy until Orca offered her the ultimate promotion: becoming one of the “Bigs” next to Orca and Band.
Personality: Big Wight is a hippie. She’s into nature, love, drugs and sometimes peace. She often practices meditation, smokes a lot and has a little pet parrot called Lil’ Peep that she loves more than anything else. Her office is filled with plants with hippie posters on every wall. In every situation, she keeps her overly chill, nonchalant, carefree attitude. Though, she does not act recklessly and is able to quickly elaborate plans on the fly. She runs the more shadowy parts of the BOVC. She oversees everything crime-related, from drug dealing to blackmailing to murders and regularly puts aside her affection for peace to cold bloodedly eliminate a nuisance. She does not do it because she has to though, her subordinates are skilled enough to take care of these jobs, but because it’s a way for her to unwind. She is very thankful to Big Orca for giving her a job that allows her to give a sense to her murderous urges and for the impunity it offers.
Physical appearance: Big Wight is rather thin and of average height. She has very long blond/white hair tied in five branches at the end. She wears bright and colorful clothes with small tinted glasses and a slouchy beanie.
Stand name: Woodstock (Namesake: Woodstock Festival)
Ability: Woodstock consists in a colony of flying cloud-shaped psychedelic creatures. If one of them covers an object, they can both become intangible at will. For people or big objects/furnitures, one creature will only be able to cover a part of it. Once it covers an item, it can move it around, floating. If object A becomes tangible again while in contact with object B that was already tangible, object A will have the priority and will stay intact while object B will have some parts removed to make space for object A.
Power: E Speed: B Persistance: A Precision: C Range: A Development: B
submitted by parkingturtle to Part9lore [link] [comments]


2020.09.25 20:35 Rsubs33 [Game Preview] Week 3 - Cincinnati Bengals (0-2) at Philadelphia Eagles(0-2)

Cincinnati Bengals (0-2) at Philadelphia Eagles (0-2)
The Eagles are off to their worst start with a real coach since 2003 (I consider 2013-2015 non-existent) when they also dropped their first two games of the season. The team would like a repeat of that season where following a week 3 bye,the team rebounded to defeat the Bills 23-13. The Eagles ripped off 12 wins in their remaining 14 games following their 0-2 start. Maybe the Eagles will be able to do the same, but they will have to shake the injury bug first. The Eagles will be without first round pick Jalen Raegor this week who underwent surgery on his hand to repair a torn UC ligament in his thumb. The Eagles may also be without Fletcher Cox who is dealing with an oblique injury. The Cox injury should be watched closely if he can’t go, Joe Mixon and Joe Burrow will have a much easier day against the struggling defense. Last week against the Rams, the defense was under prepared and unable to stop anyone. The Rams took advantage of Jim Schwartz’s consistently odd decision to have his CBs, play so far off the line of scrimmage, giving a free release to the WRs and allowing easy short passes. If Schwartz does the same this week, it will be another long day for the Eagles defense and a great fantasy day for Tyler Boyd, who Bengals Joe Burrow connected with 7 times last week including 1 for a TD. On the other side of the ball Doug and Carson will both need to be better than the last two weeks. For Carson, he needs to get out of his own head and play with confidence. For Doug, he needs to find some creativity and help his 5th year QB. He would do well to get Carson moving and utilize the RBs more in the flat and screen game. However, if we see more of the same we saw in weeks 1 and 2 from the Eagles coaching staff, we should expect another loss. Hopefully that is not the case and Carson and the coaches can learn from their mistakes in weeks 1-2 and pull our a win this week. Go Birds!
General Information
Posting Rules and Guidelines
Remember to [join us on Discord]https://discord.gg/HwwBbM3) during the game!
New to the Eagles? Take a look at our New Fan Page!
Score Prediction Contest
Date
Sunday, September 27th, 2020
Game Time Game Location
1:00 PM - Eastern Lincoln Financial Field
12:00 PM - Central 1020 Pattison Ave
11:00 AM - Mountain Philadelphia, PA 19148
10L00 AM - Pacific Wikipedia - Map
Weather Forecast
Stadium Type: Open Air
Surface: Grass
Temperature: 78°F
Feels Like: 78°F
Forecast: Clear. Partly cloudy throughout the day.
Chance of Precipitation: 1%
Cloud Coverage: 31%
Wind: South Southwest 8 MPH
Betting Odds
Oddsshark Information
Favorite/Opening Line: Eagles -5
OveUnder: 46.5
Record VS. Spread: Philadelphia 0-2, Cincinnati 1-0-1
Where to Watch on TV
CBS will broadcast Sunday’s game to a regional audience. Spero Dedes will handle the play-by-play duties and Adam Archuleta will provide analysis.
TV Map - Week 3 TV Coverage Map
Radio Streams
List of Eagles Radio network member stations with internet broadcast availability
Radio.com 94.1 Desktop Streaming
Listen to Merrill Reese and Mike Quick
Calling the game on 94WIP and the Eagles Radio Network will be Merrill Reese, the NFL’s longest-tenured play-by-play announcer (44th season). Joining Reese in the radio booth will be former Eagles All-Pro wide receiver Mike Quick, while Howard Eskin will report from the sidelines.
Location Station Frequency
Philadelphia, PA WIP-FM 94.1 FM and 610 AM
Allentown, PA WCTO-FM 96.1 FM
Atlantic City/South Jersey WENJ-FM 97.3 FM
Levittown, PA WBCB-AM 1490 AM
Northumberland, PA WEGH-FM 107.3 FM
Pottsville, PA WPPA-AM 1360 AM
Reading, PA WEEU-AM 830 AM
Salisbury/Ocean City, MD WAFL-FM 97.7 FM
Wilkes-Barre/Scranton, PA WEJL-FM 96.1 FM
Salisbury/Ocean City, MD WAFL-FM 97.7 FM
Salisbury/Ocean City, MD WEJL-AM 630 AM
Salisbury/Ocean City, MD WBAX-AM 1240 AM
Williamsport, PA WBZD-FM 93.3 FM
Wilmington, DE WDEL-FM/AM 101.7 FM
York/LancasteHarrisburg, PA WSOX-FM 96.1 FM
Philadelphia Spanish Radio
Rickie Ricardo and Bill Kulik will handle the broadcast in Spanish on Mega 105.7 FM in Philadelphia and the Eagles Spanish Radio Network.
Location Station Frequency
Philadelphia, PA LA MEGA 105.7 FM
Allentown, PA WSAN 1470 AM
Atlantic City, NJ WIBG 1020 AM; 101.3 FM
Bengals Radio
Bengals Radio Dan Hoard will handle play-by-play and Dave Lapham will provide analysis for the game.
National Radio
Compass Media will broadcast the game nationally with Chris Carrino handling the play by play and Brian Baldinger will provide analysis.
Satellite Radio
Station Eagles Channel Bengals Channel
Sirius Radio SIRI 81 (Streaming 825) SIRI 105 (Streaming 806)
XM Radio XM 226 (Streaming 825) Streaming 806
Sirius XM Radio SXM 226 (Streaming 825) SXM 385 (Streaming 806)
Eagles Social Media Bengals Social Media
Website Website
Facebook Facebook
Twitter Twitter
Instagram Instagram
Snapchat: Eagles Snapchat: officialbengals
NFC East Standings
NFC EAST Record PCT Home Road Div Conf PF PA Net Pts Streak
Football Team 1-1 .500 1-0 0-1 1-0 1-1 42 47 -5 1L
Cowboys 1-1 .500 1-0 0-1 0-0 1-1 57 59 -2 1W
Eagles 0-2 .000 0-1 0-1 0-1 0-2 36 64 -28 2L
Giants 0-2 .000 0-1 0-1 0-0 0-1 39 43 -14 2L
Series Information
The Cincinnati Bengals lead the Philadelphia Eagles(Cincinnati Bengals lead series, 9-3-1)
Series History
Head to Head Box Scores
First Game Played
September 19th, 1971 at Riverfront Stadium, Cincinnati, OH . CIncinnati Bengals 37 Philadelphia Eagles 14
Points Leader
Cincinnati Bengals lead Philadelphia Eagles (360-222)
Coaches Record
Doug Pederson: 0-1 against the Bengals
Zac Taylor: 0-0 against Eagles
Coaches Head to Head
Doug Pederson vs Zac Taylor: First meeting between coaches
Quarterback Record
Carson Wentz: Against Rams: 0-1
Joe Burrow: Against Eagles: 0-0
Quarterbacks Head to Head
Carson Wentz vs Joe Burrow: First meeting between QBs.
Records per Stadium
Record @ Lincoln Financial Field: Bengals lead Eagles: 2-0
Record @ Paul Brown Stadium: Bengals lead Eagles 1-0-1
Rankings and Last Meeting Information
AP Pro 32 Ranking
Eagles No. 23 - Bengals No. 28
Record
Eagles: 0-2
Bengals: 0-2
Last Meeting
Sunday, December 4th, 2016
Eagles 32 - Rams 14
Andy Dalton threw a pair of touchdown passes and Cincinnati finally got its depleted offense moving without receiver A.J. Green, and the Bengals sent the Philadelphia Eagles to their most lopsided loss of the season, 32-14 on Sunday.
Click here to view the Video Recap
Click here to view the Stats Recap
Last Meeting at Site
Sunday December 13th, 2012
Bengals 34 - Eagles 13
Andy Dalton threw a touchdown pass and ran for another score, an opportunistic defense forced five turnovers, and Cincinnati beat the Philadelphia Eagles 34-13 on Thursday night. The Eagles offense imploded turning the ball over 4 times with another turnover on a kick off. At one point the Eagles turned the ball over on 3 straight possessions. The Eagles lost double digit games for the first time since 2005, in one of the last games the Eagles were coached by Andy Reid.
Click here to view the Video Recap
Click here to view the Stats Recap
Last 10 Meetings
Date Winner Loser Score
12/4/2016 Bengals Eagles 32-14
12/13/2012 Bengals Eagles 34-13
11/16/2008 Bengals & Eagles 13-13
1/2/2005 Bengals Eagles 38-10
12/24/2000 Eagles Bengals 16-7
11/30/1997 Eagles Bengals 44-42
12/24/1994 Bengals Eagles 33-30
11/17/1991 Eagles Bengals 17-10
9/11/1988 Bengals Eagles 28-24
11/21/1982 Bengals Eagles 18-14
Injury Reports Depth Charts
Eagles Eagles
Bengals Bengals
2020 “Expert” Picks
Week 3 - "Expert" Picks
2020 Team Stats
Eagles Season Stats
Bengals Season Stats
2020 Stats (Starters/Leaders)
Passing
Name CMP ATT PCT YDS TD INT RAT
Wentz 50 85 58.8% 512 2 4 64.4
Burrow 60 97 61.9% 509 3 1 81.5
Rushing
Name ATT YDS YDS/G AVG TD
Sanders 20 95 95 4.8 1
Mixon 35 115 57.5 3.3 0
Receiving
Name REC YDS YDS/G AVG TD
Goedert 12 131 65.5 10.9 1
Boyd 11 105 52.5 9.5 1
Sacks
Name Sacks Team Total
Sweat/Graham 1.0 4
Lawson/Bynes 1.0 2
Tackles
Name Total Solo Assist Sacks
Gerry 17 8 9 0.0
Bell/Bynes 16 6/7 10/9 0/1.0
Interceptions
Name Ints Team Total
N/A 0 0
Jackson III 1 1
Punting
Name ATT YDS LONG AVG NET IN 20 TB BP
Johnston 7 389 62 55.6 49.1 4 1 0
Huber 8 428 70 53.5 43.5 3 3 0
Kicking
Name ATT MADE % LONG PAT
Elliot 4 3 75.0% 38 3/3
Bullock 6 5 83.3% 50 4/4
Kick Returns
Name ATT YDS AVG LONG TD
Scott 3 61 20.3 25 0
Wilson 3 131 43.7 45 0
Punt Returns
Name RET YDS AVG LONG TD FC
Raegor 2 6 3.0 6 0 2
Erickson 2 29 14.5 29 0 1
League Rankings 2020
Offense Rankings
Category Eagles Stat Eagles Rank Bengals Stat Bengals Rank
Total Offense 314.0 28th 324.0 26h
Rush Offense 89.0 29th 95.0 26th
Pass Offense 225.0 23rd 229.0 22nd
Points Per Game 18.0 T-27th 21.5 23rd
3rd-Down Offense 46.2% T-11th 43.8 15th
4th-Down Offense 0.0% T-25th 100.0 T-1st
Red Zone Offense (TD%) 60.0% T-14th 40.0% 30th
Defense Rankings
Category Eagles Stat Eagles Rank Bengals Stat Bengals Rank
Total Defense 344.0 9th 398.0 22nd
Rush Defense 135.5 22nd 185.0 30th
Pass Defense 208.5 5th 213.0 7th
Points Per Game 32.0 26th 25.5 T-16th
3rd-Down Defense 40.0% 10th 45.8% 20th
4th-Down Defense 66.7% T-19th 25.0% T-9th
Red Zone Defense (TD%) 77.8% 27th 62.5% 16th
Team
Category Eagles Stat Eagles Rank Bengals Stat Bengals Rank
Turnover Diff. -5 32nd -2 T-25th
Total Penalties 8 5th 11 T-12th
Total Penalty Yards 50 2nd 89 13th
Recap from Last Week’s Games.
Eagles - The Eagles' struggles continued in their home opener against the Los Angeles Rams. An early fumble by Miles Sanders led to a Rams touchdown by Tyler Higbee. After the Eagles cut their deficit to four with a Jake Elliott field goal, Los Angeles responded with a Robert Woods touchdown run followed by a second Higbee touchdown catch. Trailing 21-3, the Eagles closed the deficit to five points by halftime with touchdown runs by Wentz and Sanders. After forcing a three-and-out on the Rams' first possession of the second half, the Eagles would drive to the Los Angeles 21, only for Wentz's first down pass to be picked off by Darious Williams, turning the momentum back in the Rams' favor as they would outscore the Eagles 16-3 the rest of the way. Despite not being sacked once during the game, Wentz finished the day with a 56.5 passer rating, completing 26 of 43 passes for 242 yards and two interceptions. The 37-19 blowout loss dropped Philadelphia to 0-2 for the first time since the 2015 season, and marked the Eagles' first home opener loss since that same season. It was also the first home loss to the Rams franchise since the opener of the 2001 season.
Bengals - After losing their regular season-opening game at home, the Bengals then traveled to Cleveland to face the Browns for Battle of Ohio Round 1. In the first quarter, the Bengals scored first when Randy Bullock kicked a 38-yard field goal to make it 3-0. Though, the Browns took the lead when Nick Chubb ran for an 11-yard TD to make it 7-3. In the second quarter, the Browns went up by double digits when Baker Mayfield found O'dell Beckham Jr. on a 43-yard TD pass to make it 14-3. The Bengals then came within 4 after Joe Burrow found C.J. Uzomah on a 23-yard TD pass to make it 14-10. Mayfield then found Kareem Hunt on a 6-yard TD pass to put the Browns up by double digits, 21-10. The Bengals closed out the half when Randy Bullock kicked a 43-yard field goal to make it 21-13 at halftime. In the third quarter, the Browns went back up by double digits when Chubb ran for a 1-yard TD to make it 28-13. The Bengals drew closer with Bullock's 27-yard field goal to make it 28-16. In the fourth quarter, the Bengals were able to get within 5 when Burrow found Mike Thomas on a 4-yard TD pass to make the score 28-23. Though, the Browns would go back up by double digits yet again when Hunt punched the ball in for a 1-yard TD to make it 35-23. The Bengals wrapped up the scoring when Burrow found Tyler Boyd on a 9-yard TD pass to make the final score 35-30.
Connections
Bengals HC Zac Taylor is the older brother of Eagles QB Press Taylor.
Bengals TE Coach James Casey played two seasons for the Eagles from 2013-2014.
Bengals assistant Special Teams coach Colt Anderson played 4 seasons for the Eagles from 2010-2013.
Eagles Run game coordinatodefensive line coach Matt Burke was the LB coach for the Bengals from 2014-2015.
Eagles DB coach Marquand Manuel played for the Bengals from 2002-2003.
2020 Pro Bowlers
Eagles Bengals
DT Fletcher Cox (Starter) DT Geno Atkins
OG Brandon Brooks (Starter)
C Jason Kelce (Starter)
LS Rick Lovato (Starter)
TE Zach Ertz
SS Malcom Jenkings (1st Alt)
OT Lane Johnson (1st Alt
General
Referee: Adrian Hill
Philadelphia hosts Cincinnati at Lincoln Financial Field for just the third time in the all-time series and first time since 2012. Sunday marks the 14th overall meeting between the two teams.
The Eagles are 23-10 (.697) at home in the regular season under head coach Doug Pederson, which is tied for the 6th-best home winning percentage in the NFL since 2016, trailing only New En-gland (.818, 27-6), Baltimore (.758, 25-8), Kansas City (.758, 25-8), New Orleans (.727, 24-9) and Green Bay (.712, 23-9-1).
In Week 2 vs. L.A. Rams, Miles Sanders combined for 131 scrim-mage yards (3rd-most in a single game in his career), including 95 rushing (1 TD) and 36 receiving. In 2019, Sanders led his class with a franchise-rookie-record 1,327 scrimmage yards.
Brandon Graham recorded sack No. 52 of his NFL career against Rams QB Jared Goff in Week 2 vs. L.A. Rams. His 52.0 sacks are the 5th-most in Eagles history, behind Reggie White (124.0, 1985-92), Trent Cole (85.5, 2005-14), Clyde Simmons (76.0, 1986-93) and Hugh Douglas (54.5, 1998-2002, ‘04).
Draft Picks
Eagles Bengals
WR Jalen Raegor QB Joe Burrow
QB Jalen Hurts WR Tee Higgins
LB Davion Taylor LB Logan Wilson
S K’Von Wallace LB Akeem Davis-Gaither
OT Jack Driscoll DE Khalid Kareem
WR John Hightower T Hakeem Adeniji
LB Shaun Bradley LB Marcus Bailey
WR Quez Watkins
OT Prince Tega Wanogho
LB/DE Casey Toohill
Notable Off-season Additions
Eagles Bengals
S Will Parks NT DJ Reader
DT Javon Hargrave CB Trae Waynes
CB Nickell Robey-Coleman CB Mackensie Alexander
CB Darius Slay G Xavier Su’a-Filo
LB Josh Bynes
WR Mike Thomas
S Vonn Bell
CB Leshaun Sims
RB Jacques Patrick
Notable Off-season Departures
Eagles Bengals
S Malcom Jenkins QB Andy Dalton
CB Ronald Darby CB Dre Kirkpatrick
RB Jordan Howard G John Miller
WR Nelson Agholor OT Cordy Glenn
OL Halapoulivaati Vaitai TE Tyler Eifert
LB Kamu Grugler-Hill WR Marqise Lee
RB Darren Sproles CB Darqueze Dennard
DT Timmy Jernigan DT Andrew Billings
LB Nigel Bradham S Clayton Fejedelem
Milestones
Eagles QB Carson Wentz (99) needs 1 passing TDs for 100 career passing TDs.
Eagles WR Desean Jackson (6386 needs 79 yards to move up to 3rd on the Eagles all-time receiving yards list all-time passing WR *Mike Quick
Eagles WR Desean Jackson (34) needs 2 TDs to move into a tie for 7th on the Eagles all-time receiving TD list tying WR Jeremy Maclin
Eagles DE Brandon Graham (52) needs 2.5 sacks to move to 4th on the Eagles all-time sack list tying DE Hugh Douglas
Eagles DT Fletcher Cox (48) needs 2.5 sacks to move up to 6th on the Eagles all-time sack list tying DE Greg Brown
Eagles DE Vinny Curry (27) needs 1 sack to move up to 19th on the Eagles all-time sack list passing DT Darwin Walker
Bengals WR AJ Green (8987) needs 13 yards to reach 9000 receiving yards for his career.
Bengals WR AJ Green (63) needs 3 receiving TDs to move into a tie with Chad Johnson for the most receiving TDs in Bengals history.
Stats to Know
QB Adjusted Completion %
What’s one thing rookie Joe Burrow and 5th-year Carson Wentz have in common? They have not been terribly accurate so far. PFF has an Adjusted Completion % stat that accounts for clear drops, spikes, throw aways, batted passes, and throws made while getting hit. Burrow and Wentz are near the bottom in AC%, with 70.4 and 70.3, respectively. Interesting to note a bit of the distribution within the array of aforementioned stats: while Burrow has had one of the lower rates of on-target passes dropped by the receiver (4.1%), Wentz doubled that at 8.4%, good for 5th-highest. Yes, Wentz has stunk, but...
Matchups to Watch
Rookie versus Veteran, Which QB Has Poise Down 0-2?
With two consecutive weeks of porous defense from both the Eagles and Bengals defensive units, this Sunday's matchup should rest squarely on the shoulders of each offensive unit. Will the Eagles be able to rely on fifth year starter Wentz? Will he be able to shake off two tumultuous weeks and put together a consistent offensive performance? Will the Bengals weapons coalesce around their rookie Burrow? Will he be able to put together his first complete NFL game and demonstrate that this season is the turning point for the franchise? A big piece of Wentz stabilizing his game time performance will be continuing his focus on short-time-to-throw plays. From Week 1 with 8 sacks versus the Washington Football Team to Week 2 and zero sacks versus the Rams with the vaunted Aaron Donald, the Eagles Offensive Line and Wentz’ pocket choices resulted in less lost yards and broken plays. Unfortunately, key turnovers again forced short-yardage scoring situations and massive tempo swings. Wentz needs to take advantage of the cleaner pocket that will likely be available versus the Bengals (2 sacks on the year so far) and finish drives cleanly to put the game away. Without rookie WR Jalen Reagor (placed on IR with a thumb injury after Week 2), Wentz will have to make use of the remainder of his threats, including veteran DeSean Jackson who had 6 catches on 9 targets for 64 yards against the superior Rams’ defensive backfield. Joe Burrow has had the classic introductory NFL QB experience. A high-flying game versus the Browns last week, with 300+ yards passing, 3TDs and zero ints was fantastic bounce back from Week 1 versus the Chargers. 193 yards, 0 TDs, and an int will not win the game for the Bengals versus the Eagles, even if Wentz struggles. A key focus for Burrow will be settling into the routine and relationships he’s formed with his offensive weapons. AJ Green remains one of the best WR threats in the NFL and his slow start to the season (8 catches for 80 yards) could end at any time, in any game with a QB like Burrow. Burrow threw a nearly record setting number of passes during the almost-come-from-behind loss versus the Browns; if the Bengals are able to establish their run-game and abuse the Philadelphia secondary in a similar way to the Rams offensive scheme, then Burrow could have a very big day. If he is forced to drop back 60+ times, and Joe Mixon is again held under 75 yards on the ground, the Bengals and Burrow may have a hard time. Keep an eye on how comfortable each QB is feeling, and whether they can establish good tempo. That will be key to offensive production this weekend.
Coaching Conundrum; Pederson versus Taylor
At the core of the NFL these days is the combat between offensive and defensive schemes. Both coaches come from a background of coaching QB play and offensive schemes, though from different eras and coaching trees. How they go about using that experience to enable their teams to a secure a necessary win this week will make or break their seasons. Doug Pederson, at the helm of a revamped offensive coaching tree with the addition of Quarterbacks Coach Press Taylor as Passing Game Coordinator, has had a rough three year stretch of offensive stumbles. Since the miraculous Super Bowl 52 season (2017), the Eagles have consistently failed to be productive, with a lot of the challenges relating to lack of roster depth and poor player improvement through misaligned coaching. This is the third consecutive year of stuttering offense to begin the season and a big piece of the matchup versus the Bengals will be how well the Eagles can settle in. Coach Pederson has made it clear that the lack of full-speed off-season practice plays a big role in the Eagle’s struggles so far; so it remains to be seen when and if both units can make use of this gametime practice to solidify the small flashes of prior success we’ve seen. Opposite Pederson is Coach Taylor, in his second year of a complete rebuild, now with the (ideally career-long) franchise WB in Burrow. Hailing from the Shanahan line, through the LA Rams McVay, Taylor was brought into Cincinnati to recreate the organization’s coaching structure and form a new core for the team around veteran WR AJ Green. The 2019 season showed marked improvement throughout, particularly in run production and passer protection; the addition of Covid-related practice limitations have also taken their toll on the Bengals’ preparations for this season, as exemplified by the Week 1 drubbing by the Ravens. Taylor returns this season with second-year offensive coordinator Brian Callahan, formerly the QB coach for the Raiders. The cerebral talent in the Bengals organization is clearly arrayed around giving Burrow the best possible chance to shine; and they may just do so against an extremely poorly performing Eagles defense. Being able to establish consistent offensive strength and consistency throughout this season will be a key part of whether this new coaching structure is able to flourish in Cincinnati or if yet more change is needed to remake the franchise. During game day, keep an eye out on how these coaches make use of their star players, now that the very early season yips and stumbles should be behind them. Whoever can appropriately adjust to the flow of the game and take advantage of the others mistakes will win this football game.
The Big Punt: How Special Teams Makes An Impact
Kevin versus Cameron, Huber versus Johnston, two players that may very well decide the nature of this Bengals versus Eagles matchup. These titans of the turf, two punters to rule them all, and two punters to pin them deep; two punters waiting on call, and two punters to make fans weep. In lieu of offensive production, and in hopes of good defensive play, Kevin Huber and Cameron Johnston bring their punting prowess to Lincoln Financial Field this Sunday. Hailing from opposite sides of the Earth, Huber from Cincinnati itself, and Johnston from Geelong Australia, these two are some of the most capable foot-based deliverers of the football to opposing teams. Huber holds nearly all of the Bengals franchise records in punting statistics; and Johnston holds the highest gross and net punting averages in a single Eagles season. The third year Australian punter is known by Eagles fans for his insanely long hang-time and penchant for pinning the NY Giants inside the 20 (20+ times in four games). Huber is loved by the Bengals fanbase as both their longest tenured player and his consistency over the past 13 years. He has missed just 2 of 180 possible games, and has been perennially top 10 at his position. Both players are in the final year of their contracts, so effective performance is a must for maximum salary gains. Keep an eye out on how effective these two are in establishing and keeping good field position. If both teams are struggling for consistency, these swings may be the key to a late drive that puts the game away. Additionally, with every punt comes the magic of a muffed punt return. If you’re a particular connoisseur of special teams play, watch and see if these punters add any special spin or location to their strikes; and key turnover last week in this position kept the Eagles hopeful. Maybe lightning will strike twice for the Eagles Special Teams and the Wizard with the Large Leg, Cam Johnston; maybe the Bengals gunners will scoop up a muff and Huber will be huger than expected. Stay tuned!
Special thanks to belisaurius and abenyishay for their help in creating this Game Preview.
submitted by Rsubs33 to eagles [link] [comments]


2020.09.25 00:49 wolfyin7 Thank god for a relatively smooth purchase and registration process

Just received my registration in the mail this morning to conclude (well, there's still the title but that can wait) a pretty positive trade-in experience with Carvana.

Vehicle Selection
It was the end of August when I decided to trade in my old Jeep for a newer Wrangler, and started browsing online for suitable options (wanted a newer JL with some newer features like apple carplay and stuff). I live in Western Massachusetts and the dealers around me don't have the inventory i wanted, and i didn't want to buy a new one. I monitored Carvana's inventory for a while and noticed how fast their cars went, but most of the cars with the options I want are previously rental cars, and I wanted to stay away from those. One day I was browsing and away from home (in NYC), so the website set my location to be NYC and I saw a Wrangler that perfectly meet my requirements, but strangely, it wasn't in the list if I switch the option back to western MA. I saw the car's location was only in Indiana so i thought the delivery fee to NY/MA is probably not much different, so I added it to my Saved list. When I got home and dug out the title for my previous car for the trade in, I didn't know if I was able to start the purchasing process since it wasn't an option when I search the cars in my area, but it turned out to be fine and I was able to start the purchasing process with the same amount of delivery fee displayed before. So I guess if you don't see the car you want, try to change your location and browse elsewhere, there might be some cars you're not seeing in the list in your location. Now since the Massachusetts RMV requires the title form to be signed by your insurance agent prior to taking possession of the vehicle, I had to complete the form within 24 hours after Carvana sent it to me. I've seen other buyers in MA that had to do a 3 way call with Carvana and their insurance agent, but for GEICO I literally just requested a signed form through their online portal and filled in the rest after I added the new car to my policy, so it was really no hassle or anything.
Important: if you receive any documents from Carvana for you to sign, make sure to check all the details they filled in. For my MA title form the guy really did a bad job filling in my information and I had to call them to make several corrections on the form. And they still messed up my name on the purchase agreement for my trade-in vehicle on the delivery handoff, so I had to write corrections on the form and sign initial for the corrections.

Delivery
I set the delivery to 8 days later so it gives them enough time to figure out logistics. Plus transporting from Indiana to MA is not like going across the entire country, but I was still worried as there're so many horror stories on this sub about sudden change of delivery date with a short notice, or "delivery truck breaking down", lol. Luckily, nothing happened to me and I receive a call from the local delivery person an hour before set delivery time, asking me to send a selfie with my driver's license, and proof of insurance on the new vehicle. She arrived on time with a vehicle basically as described on the website, and some of the cosmetic "defects" noted on the website was really hard to see in person, I think it helped when the car I got was a newer model with really low mileage. It was a 2018 model but only sold by the dealership in summer of 19, and I guess the previous owner really only drove it for 8 months until the pandemic hit and had to sell it. When I took it for the test drive, the deliver person stayed in my yard to check my trade-in vehicle, so I wasn't exactly sure what she did to check it. It was a perfectly fine car so there shouldn't be any problems anyway. I did put in the appraisal forms that there was scuffs and scrapes on the car, but there were probably some more that I missed, but the delivery person didn't seem to care.

Registration
Now here's where my experience differs from a lot of other buyers on this sub, partially thanks to the painful and somewhat stupid registration laws in MA. Temporary registrations and tags are illegal in MA, and normally you have 7 days to transfer your existing registration to the new vehicle, but with the pandemic they extended the grace period to 21 days after purchase. In the meantime you can just hang your old plates on the new car. News came in delivery that the person told me they're having a 21-28 days delay with the RMV because the transactions are appointment based now, and they were only allowed a certain number of transactions per day with the Mass RMV. The car still came with a temp tag and registration from GA, but it's basically useless to me. This means after 21 days from delivery I would be driving the car without valid registration, but since I'm hanging my old plates, it wouldn't really be a serious problem unless I get pull over by the cops for speeding or something. Even then I can explain to them the delay and everything and the cops usually let it go. The delivery person also told me they only had 1 customer that got pulled over without the valid registration on time and that guy only got a ticket for speeding after explaining everything to the cop. I guess the good thing with that kind of law in MA is that Carvana will start your registration process soon after delivery, instead of waiting after your 7 day period to end (at least that's what the delivery person told me), and I was lucky enough to receive my registration only 15 days after delivery.

Vehicle Inspection
Now even though it's basically a new car with only 7k miles, I still wanted to get a CPO check from the dealership within the 7 day return period, just to make sure. A useful tip for this part is that try to make a service appointment earlier, before delivery, to make sure you have a time slot during the 7 day period, because it's really a 6 day period, and 1 day is Sunday with no dealership opened. I had to call literally every dealership around a 30 mile radius to finally find one with an open appointment slot, thankfully. So make those appointments early if you're bringing into a dealership, and you can always cancel it if your delivery got messed up and had to postpone. Again, thank god the mechanics didn't find any problems so it saved me the hassle to go through with Carvana and SilverRock.

Customer Service Experience
I've seen so many horrible customer service experiences on this sub so when I had to contact them about registration, I just called earlier and selected the call back option. The first call was at 5:45 pm, and I received the callback at 6:30, and another call was at 2:45 pm, and received the call back 2 hours later. So don't bother to stay on the line with the "your wait time is greater than 30 minutes" BS lol, just have them call you back if you can.

Anyways, I consider myself pretty lucky of coming out of the other side of this process in a relatively short period of time, and I hope my experience can be useful to any future buyers in the state of Massachusetts, because our experience can be really different to some of the others on here due to the fucked up laws and RMV lol.
As always, I have them referral codes so please DM me if you started the purchase process (you'll have to get a CS rep through website live chat or phone to apply the code for you along with some information about my purchase). I got one for my purchase from one of you angels on this sub and why would you say no to $500 off?
submitted by wolfyin7 to carvana [link] [comments]


2020.09.10 19:26 scrchicas14 (VA) Reckless Driving

Virginia-My husband and I were driving from NY to VA for a quick vacation with our kids- about 30 minutes away from the Chesapeake Tunnel he was pulled over for reckless driving (78 in a 45). There were multiple other cars going a similar speed however we were slightly ahead of the pack (troopers words). My husband, the sole provider,is in danger of losing his job because of this ticket- I have a family member who is a lawyer in NY and is offering to write a letter to the court outlining the circumstances, but I'm wondering if this would be enough or if we should obtain counsel in VA. I'm currently 6 months pregnant and the court date is a month before my due date. Any advice is appreciated.
submitted by scrchicas14 to legaladvice [link] [comments]


2020.09.10 17:33 KennyOmegaXMan I'm a [31M] who's never had any romantic relationship in my entire life. What can I do to change that?

I happen to be a 31-year-old man who's never had any romantic relationship in my entire life I recently turned 31 this September. At times I feel hopeless that I will ever have a relationship with a woman, and fantasize about how it would be. And getting older doesn't help as I fear that I would be more ostracized the older I get without any history of a relationship.
Here's some back story about my personal self: I'm from Massachusetts and lived here all my life near the Rhode Island border. I guess I'm labeled a nerd because that what I've been called since I grew up with video games and nerd culture. I do go to conventions like PAX East and Comic-Con here. I went alone for the first time ever in recent years and cosplayed fully as a video game character Snake from Metal Gear. And it was a different experience. So I'm not afraid of trying things as I have aged as I would have never gone alone up to Boston to an event like that prior with anxieties I have faced. I don't talk with people openly about this and keep it to myself so I have to get it out. So this may be a lot to read and I understand that.
I'm also a smaller person in stature with being skinny growing up so I was teased by family about that. So I did join the gym in 2018 at my school but was never so serious about it. And didn't have much help to learn things and need that reassurance I'm doing it right. And recently I signed up for an actual gym and will be using a trainer.
Back in my childhood, I was always the "quiet" one. Not by choice. I was always assigned that title so I kept quiet. I still get called that and not sure why as this is the way I am. I'm not sure if it could have been to the way I was raised as I didn't go out really and my parents weren't so good and abusive. My dad was physically abusive to my mom and brother, as his dad was brutal to him in Portugal. So I was always nervous and still am to an extent. My mom has an addiction issue with gambling and really messed up my path as she would steal the money I worked for to fund her habits for many years. So I am set back compared to others my age but finally reaching my success with my career only starting last year in the IT field. But either way, my parents made me insecure about my feelings and I always kept to myself with fears of being judged and they were in control of my life up until my 20s. I don't talk with them really at this point as it's hard to put past what they have caused me to be stuck.
I didn't get help for any of this until 2016 as I did a post on Reddit for help and therapy was recommended. I've come so far with going back to school, driving on highways, and so many smaller things that affected me not being able to do. I've even brought in my own mother to therapy but she still never fully apologized and even denied any wrongdoing she did. But I'm fine that I just want my personal life to flourish. I've been with female therapists since then for a total of two different ones. I had to leave my first for insurance issues after going for a year. The other I decided to switch as I was going to her since 2017 up until early this year and felt no progress was made with my issue with never having a relationship. And it is more of a male issue that I am a man looking for a woman. So a different experience and mostly better to have a male therapist's point of view for this.
I know very few people personally as I only hang out with close cousins. Most of the others I only talk online with but never had friends I went out with regularly since they don't seem to do anything. So I never went out much and I don't drink alcohol or smoke weed. So it's tough knowing where to find anyone in these current times but it won't even matter if there was no virus. I'd still be stuck here in this spot even without the virus.
Onto my dating life, I've only dated one woman very shortly, about a month just last year. She was the first and only person I dated and it happened in September right when I turned 30. We met off Hinge, the dating app. She happened to message me first with a Hi and my name! She was really into me with the conversation and I was super surprised as I don't have that experience with my time with dating apps. She wasn't exactly a nerdy type also. Anyway, we agreed to meet for a coffee date after about 2 weeks of talking in Providence. I was very nervous as this was going to be my first date ever at 30. I dressed as fancy as I could and she did compliment that. I was pacing for some time as I was so nervous as I awaited her to arrive. And she finally arrived and gave each other a quick hug which made the nervousness tone down. Things went great and we talked for hours despite this being foreign to me. She was awkward at times so I didn't think much of it. Then we said our goodbyes and hugged each other. I was so happy I finally had my first date ever, it was unreal and I remember it so much. I did text her right when I got home as a follow-up and she agreed and liked that it was good. I was even more surprised as I thought I was bad since I had no reference for dating till then.
We agreed to meet again after seeing the pumpkin carvings at the local zoo during October and an impromptu dinner as she texted me if I wanted to get food right about leaving. That’s how inexperienced I am not asking for dinner after that date. It was all amazing to me that these kinds of things were happening, going out with someone, and having dinner. It was something that was so unreal to me. I offered to pay also and she was greatly appreciative of the night as she wanted to cover herself.
So this is where things started to change and finding out more about her. We were planning to meet once again during the week after work. We were texting about it in the AM and she stopped replying. But when it was the end of my workday she finally got back to me saying she passed out at an appointment and got a concussion. So I didn't assume I was going to meet up that night at all so I went home. We texted more later and she became erratic because I didn't come to see her like at almost midnight during a workweek. She became more and more upset. She was giving me an ultimatum to either visit her or whatever was happening between us would end. She became more and more upset. Then she was calling me as we never talked over the phone and she was absolutely terrible to me, swearing at me, telling me I was stupid, and so on, and she told me where to go for nothing I did wrong.
She wasn't the same person I met on the dates we had. It made me so upset I was taking this all in from her call and I never said anything bad to her. She was absolutely a wreck and I tried telling her I'm not sure why she was acting that way. So she hung up after screaming at me. Then again she was texting me to come to her address which she gave thought text or it was over. So at this point, it would have been foolish since it's already midnight and she lashed out at me and still wants me to come to visit her after her concussion. So she called one again and it made me so sad that the only woman so far to give me a chance was treating me like shit. I then told her what would my therapist think of you as I mentioned her to my therapist since dating is something that is focused on during sessions. I opened up about me never having a partner and she was my first date ever and I don't know why she's acting this way and it hurt me.
I guess I calmed her down enough and she wasn't so bad to me. She opened up about herself and she said the concussion caused her to act that way. My therapist later didn't agree and said she saw many red flags with her. Well, we talked into the AM over the phone that night as she told me that she suffers from a rare illness called EDS, and from that illness she has 30 other diseases. I couldn't believe it since you can't see it by looking at her. She told me she is always sick going to appointments and needs major surgery often and she soon was going soon a few weeks later to major neck fusion. I felt for her but still, I didn't think how she treated me was right over the phone that night. So the following day I stopped replying to her.
The following day she was texting me and was worried about me and was thinking I ghosted her but that's something I don't do. I had a therapy session that day I talked to my therapist about it. She did say again that there were many red flags and it was sad that she’s a very ill person and it was my personal choice if I continued talking with her after that. She actually called me during my session and left an apology voicemail for her behavior. And said she regrets acting that way and adored me so far and wanted to continue dating. And text replies mentioning that. So I did reply talking about how my therapist said to set boundaries as that behavior was no healthy and unwanted. She was still kind of upset I brought her up during therapy and texted me her medical papers that yes she wasn't lying about her illness.
Later that week we did agree to meet for dinner and a movie at the mall in Providence. I came early and there was a miscommunication and she was waiting elsewhere in the mall for me and once again her attitude started changing in the texts. I found her and she wasn't seeming to me that she wasn't happy at all based on her face. And she did have that concussion earlier in the week. We sat down for dinner and I wasn't sure how to approach her being as I was afraid she was going to lash out in public and I'm nervous when someone starts shouting at me and it shuts me down. So I barely was saying anything to her at all. Since I didn't know what she was going to do if I said the wrong thing. So after a while, she became upset and was saying this is awkward us not talking and saying I have communication issues. And I don't listen to her and her ex was the same was and they went to couple’s therapy and called me an INFJ over and over. And she got up off her chair and was thinking to just go home after that and I said you are welcome to. I wasn't putting any argument as I'm not the type of person to fight. So she didn't eat her food at all and ended up throwing it out as the mall was closing and the movie was almost starting. So she offered to just watch the movie and we'll talk about what happened another time. So we did watch a terrible movie name JEXI which I had no interest in. She offered to pay for the movie and popcorn as I did for her in the past. I still wasn't talking much with her during the movie as I was afraid if she will lash out. But watching a movie with her was another huge accomplishment as I never did that with a woman as a date.
So this is where more things got interesting. So after the movie, we were leaving and down the escalator, there was an old man that happened to fall down it and his leg was bleeding all over the floor. People were just gathering, and one called 911 for help. She then ran down the escalator to the scene to assist with him. She took her sweater off her back to make a tourniquet for him. She happened to have first aid classes. She didn't want to leave until he was gone by paramedics. She seemed super panicky and I didn't know what to do at that point. I offered her my coat as she only had a tank under her sweater and she declined. We finally walked away when the man was rolled away and there was a large pool of blood near him. So on the way she was super lost and saying she was about to have a panic attack so I gave her a hug to calm her down and she said: "thank you". I walked her to her car in the big parking garage and there was a car driving behind me and she pulled me in as she was afraid I was going to get hit. I was saying it was amazing to see what she did with the man as a hero like that and she told me that sweater had sentimental value and it went to better use to help him.
So on the way to her car, I asked from the help of online prior to what I should do at this point of dates, I said "may I kiss you?" She took off her glasses and she leaned her back against her car as she has balance issues with her spine surgeries. And we pulled each other in and we then made out. It was so super unreal. I felt like I was dreaming. I couldn't believe it was finally happening. I was so into it and super passionate about it. We would kiss and she would bite my lower lip and pull away and look into each other's eyes and do it again. It was something out of a movie. I was caressing her body, her hair, and from her illness, I believe it was her vertebrae was dislocating as her neck in the upwards position. She was in a bit of pain and I was apologizing if I was causing it as I was so into our kiss, my first kiss. She didn't mind and were giving each other neck kisses after and I was saying things into her ear that got her really turned on. She then started digging her nails into my back and pushing her lower body into mines. This all happened while cars were passing but I didn't care we were making out in public at this point in my life. After the kiss we held each other saying nothing, it was so peaceful, she then opened up how she has an aneurism in her heart and it can burst anytime and that's how her mother passed. I felt so bad for her and kept on consoling her with caressing her. I then went home a new man after the kiss as I didn't think it finally actually happened at 30. We texted after and talked about the night and how I enjoyed the kiss and she did for someone with no experience like myself in that. Even the next day I couldn't believe it happened.
Over time we texted and at times she was flipping a switch with her personality. I wasn't sure what to do as she a very ill person and at times didn’t want to talk and still wanted to and said I have communication issues. She was going into surgery the final week I met her for ice cream. She was very scared of going into a life-threatening surgery and I could see it that night. She wasn't mean to me in person that night and we talked for a few hours into the night in the parking lot. I didn't know much what to say to her since she wanted to say goodbye the next day before she left for NY for surgery. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye as we didn't meet the following day. I didn't get to kiss her again that night either as she said she doesn't like PDA when there are people around as there was to people in their car right near us. So we hugged goodbye.
The reason I didn't meet to say a final goodbye before surgery was that she was busy preparing to go and I didn't text her till later in that day and again she was super upset and saying she wasn't going to talk with me and yet she still did. I wished her the best of luck and sent good thoughts as she left. In between then and her coming back I never seen her since last October. Her surgery didn't succeed sadly and she's pretty much disabled now and needs to revise it if possible. I still text with her till this day more of a pen pal. I never asked her if it ended but I was ready to move on as I shouldn't have to have one choice of a person to date and the way things played out. I needed more experiences dating and that's where I am now. But I am grateful she gave me my first dates ever and my first and only kiss, it was more than a peck being a makeout.
All I know are dating apps and I even got photos done for them by a photographer who dating photography. It's the same pics I used when that only woman I dated messaged me. But since then I have not had any success or interest from anyone else. I barely get matches if I am lucky. And I'm on all apps and have subscriptions to Match, Tinder and OkCupid. I try to reach out on the apps that allow to message first and even then I barely get a match after so many sent out. I waste more time and get little to no results. Only one woman back in February agreed to meet for coffee and she wasn't interested after the date. It was a short date too and I'm assuming she wasn't as interested in person versus how she seemed on the app of Facebook dating. So since then, it's been pretty frustrating with the no results.
I've gotten putting so much time and money into it. Only to get nothing much of it. I have a snapshot of my photos I use and bio now off Tinder and I just use the same for all the other apps. Some on here have trashed me for getting a photographer and saying the photos aren't genuine. But I put my trust in the photographer as he is the professional. Others have criticized my appearance and nerdy type. So I'm not sure what else to do as it's mixed responses on my profile as some also say all is good yet I don't have results.
So know I don't know what to do next as with the virus we can't exactly meet people and that was something I wanted to work on this year to go to events to meet people that way. I've done geek speed dating way back in 2018 only to get a blank piece of paper. I tried going to a cosplay meet up at a bar and arcade here and nothing much occurred from them last year. Anything like that isn't happening anytime soon so I only have dating apps or maybe there are ways I still can get something rolling in person? So I am asking for advice or any help to get something that I truly desire a relationship. It hurts at times as so many people have had many at my age and I'm only looking for one to get those experiences in life. My brother and a cousin as examples are just generally terrible and have been abusive to their partners and are wreckless in general and have had many partners. And I don't know how to even be that way and I feel hopeless that I will never experience love as I age older. I was always the outsider growing up and still am. Do I get photos redone by another photographer? Do I try to hire a relationship or dating coach to help? I don't want to give up but it's very depressing that I can't seem to figure out what's wrong and why I can't achieve this. I greatly appreciate any help and thank you very much if you read all this. Thank you.
tl;dr: I'm a 31-year-old man who's never had any relationship in my entire life and I recently turned 31 this September. I only dated one woman shortly off a dating app last year and had my first and only kiss. I am grateful for that experience but really want a relationship with me getting older. And it hurts at times knowing this and unless you were in my position you would know how it feels. I don't know what to do now I am still stuck and can't seem to get any interest off dating apps despite taking photos by a dating photographer. Message me if you want a snapshot of my profile.
submitted by KennyOmegaXMan to dating_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.08 20:48 carcrashemail BF received a weird email from an insurance company regarding an accident we were in that doesn't quite make sense.

Locations: AZ (where the accident took place) and IL (where we live), maybe NY?
So my bf and I were in the car together in AZ. We were doing Doordash (both of us had the app up, cherry picking orders that were the best). Long story short, we ended up getting T-Boned by a woman who we believe was speeding (though we had no corroboration). We made a legal turn on a green left hand arrow and she blew through her light and nailed us. Both cars ended up totalled.
We were insured through Progressive, and they did say that they were going to deny coverage for OUR vehicle repairs/replacement as we didn't have commercial coverage. Fine, it wasn't a huge deal, lesson learned - we had previously been told by one representative that a normal full coverage policy would be fine, but that wasn't the case.
The woman driving the other car was driving a company car, and repeatedly kept saying that she had full coverage insurance and that 'it would be fine'. She also was lying out of her teeth to the police at the scene, though, so I'm not sure if that was the truth, looking back.
Please note that while I did initially get a ticket for 'failure to yield' it was dropped without incident and it is not on my driving record as we were able to successfully argue that was not the case.
At NO POINT have we gotten any letters about anything regarding this case from her insurance. We haven't gotten anything from IL DOT, either. We came home right after the accident at the beginning of the year, and our address hasn't changed.
Now today my BF got an email that claims to be from a NY state insurance company about the incident. The email is NOT addressed to him, though - it is addressed to the IL Department of Motor Vehicles and looks to be something that they are trying to file against us with the state of IL. It has a header that has the ILDOMV address, a case number and date.
They are claiming WE hit HER - 100% not the case, it is visibly obvious when you look at the vehicles as her damage is front end and ours was passenger side damage. They reference something else that I am very confused about. They claim that we 'failed to meet financial responsibility for the state of IL' but when I googled that, I guess I'm just not understanding what it means. We were in fact insured at the time, adjusters looked at the car to establish fault (and seeing as my ticket was dismissed, I would assume that goes towards that?), Progressive said that they had filed all of the paperwork that needed to be filed (which should also be the financial responsibility notification to the IL department of transportation?). The only factor that seems to apply to us is that the damage is more than $500, but we did not fail to notify anyone as far as we understand, so how can we have failed to meet our responsibility?
Admittedly, this is all very new to me. I am from MI, which is a no-fault state, so I am really not in the know about how fault works. This is my first accident where at-fault comes into play, and the first major accident I've been in as a driver.
What concerns me is that it appears that since the car was in HIS name, and the insurance had both of our names on it, that both of us could be getting our licenses suspended?? If Progressive didn't file with the ILDOMV, that is a very real possibility, and to get our licenses reinstated we would have to pay off the full debt of the other person's car, regardless of the fact that SHE hit US.
I could really use some advice. I'm not sure where to go from here or even what kind of lawyer I should be looking for.
submitted by carcrashemail to legaladvice [link] [comments]


2020.09.04 19:58 ftlaudman "Failed to fetch" error when attempting to purchase storage upgrade

When attempting to order a 256GB storage upgrade (California), I click confirm and receive an error that says "failed to fetch". The order doesn't go through.
Anyone have any ideas on how to resolve this?

Other:
submitted by ftlaudman to ShadowPC [link] [comments]


2020.09.03 18:30 TheRealFanjin Colors/images in Shadow are glitching a lot

Other:
Any suggestions will be appreciated :)
submitted by TheRealFanjin to ShadowPC [link] [comments]


2020.09.03 12:27 RobleViejo Your casual UFO enthusiasts conversation

The following is an interchange of private messages between another user and me. Im posting this because I think it would be a waste to keep this conversation to ourselves, as our texts are a combination of ideas and links backing up those ideas. This interchange consist of Two PMs sent to me by [user] back to back, and my Two PMs in reply, but they are cited below as "First PM - First Reply" so it makes more sense and it easier to read. Im sure Im gonna get flagged in some way because of this, and I'm not using a throwaway account because I stand for everything I say. May the Truth escape the Grip of Secrecy our leaders have been negating. But ALWAYS make up your own mind.
"I Want To Believe, but Only Science Guides My Thoughts"

First PM from [user]

your comment about how UFOs travel
from [user] sent 11 hours ago
"My point is referred to the "maneuvers outside the normal laws of physics"
Here's a copy of my post today describing my discovery of the mechanism some UFOs use for transport so they don't maneuver "outside the normal laws of physics":
Physicists years ago determined that the seemingly impossible speeds and maneuvers by UFOs reported by countless witnesses can be explained if the UFOs distorted space as a transport mechanism. Einstein's law of relativity says that space and time are actually one single entity, spacetime - - and that it’s possible to distort space - - for example, with an intense gravitational field. This has already been verified with countless experiments - - including observations of the extreme distortion of the shapes of galaxies outside the edges and behind other galaxies that have very intense gravity. Physicists determined that if a UFO distorted the space between its present location and target location, it could perform its seemingly impossible maneuvers and still obey the laws of physics.
I discovered a mechanism that some UFOs could use to distort space. I first discovered this mechanism while watching a NASA channel program, where a NASA scientist who studied Lightning described his experiences when Lightning hit his jet. He said that everything moved in "Slow Motion"; and he could watch the lightning as it moved across the outside surface of the jet. This, of course, would normally be impossible to watch since a Lightning discharge occurs in only a split second. He says Lightning caused everything to move in Slow Motion shortly after position 2:14 in this NASA Channel video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pi5FP2G05k
Because he could watch the Lightning move - - that "seemed to take forever", while everything moved in "Slow Motion" - - I concluded that an Extremely high voltage Static Electricity discharge (Lightning) can slow down the passage of Time - can Distort Time. Since Einstein's law of relativity says that time and space are one single entity, spacetime, this Time Distortion should be accompanied by a simultaneous Space Distortion. Since physicists determined that UFOs must Distort Space to perform their seemingly impossible maneuvers, it follows that that some UFOs can use Extremely high voltage Static Electricity, like Lightning, to cause the Distortion of Space for transport. This theory is confirmed by the Rendlesham Forest UFO:
In James Fox’s UFO movie documentary “Out of the Blue”, in the video near position 51:40 three soldiers at the Rendlesham Forest Air Force Base in England describe the UFO that landed in the forest next to the base at night. Shortly after position 54:40 the chief of security at the base, Sgt. Penniston, says as he walked up to the craft there was "Static Electricity in the air".
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssa7V0l7c0E
On the next night in a different online testimony another soldier said he felt Static Electricity when a UFO flew near treetop level above his head. And another Air Force officer said as he walked toward another UFO that landed just outside the forest, it felt like he was walking through Jello - - another way of say that everything moved in Slow Motion, and that Time had slowed down - - that the UFO had Distorted / Dilated Time.
In another excellent video with a high quality accurate computer animation of the landed UFO based on Sgt. Penniston’s description, starting shortly after position 4:2S he says as they walked toward the landed Craft, "We started feeling Static Electricity on our skin, and on our hair, and on our clothes. One of the unusual effects is that once we entered this immediate area around the craft, it felt like everything went in Slow Motion. It felt like there was a dragging of time" .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgAIQ0OCaxs
This is the same phrase used by the NASA scientist when Lightning hit his jet that led me to conclude that Extremely high voltage Static Electricity, like Lightning, distorts Space and Time (Spacetime). Penniston then says their watches later showed the wrong time - - 45 minutes in the past -- confirming again that Extremely high voltage Static Electricity Distorts Time, and is used by some UFOs for transport. He also couldn't see any landing gear under Craft - - so apparently the Craft also used this high voltage Static Electricity for levitation. His buddy who stood farther away said elsewhere in an online testimony that he experienced a space distortion effect, where this area looked like it was miles across rather that just a few feet across - - AGAIN confirming my theory that some UFOs use Extremely high voltage Static Electricity to distort Space and Time (Spacetime) for transport (and apparently also for levitation):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgAIQ0OCaxs
Accurate computer rendition of Rendlesham Forest UFO based on Sgt. Penniston's description. Screenshots are taken from previously linked video:
1: https://imgur.com/a/P2EuxEW
2: https://imgur.com/a/uQqlcpF
3: https://imgur.com/a/0OtNVKZ
4: https://imgur.com/a/Bwx5R4L
5: https://imgur.com/a/apAmN2P
6: https://imgur.com/a/8MYyjT3
7: https://imgur.com/a/OrC8NdB
8: https://imgur.com/a/f107bYF
According to my theory, the white light enveloping the UFO Craft as it takes off is white hot PLASMA , a continuous Extremely high voltage Static Electricity discharge like the white hot Static Electricity discharge of a Lightning bolt / Thunderbolt. The laws of physics in electromagnetism show that electrons, including electrons in a Static Electricity discharge, can be channeled to move in various directions with a magnetic field. So, the UFO's surface could be magnetized to channel the Static Electricity electron plasma to form an envelope of Lightning around the Craft.
https://imgur.com/a/f107bYF

First Reply from [RobleViejo]

re: your comment about how UFOs travel
to [user] sent 49 minutes ago
He says Lightning caused everything to move in Slow Motion shortly after position 2:14 in this NASA Channel video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pi5FP2G05k
To be fair, he says and quote "[only lasts about one second but it seems to take forever when you it hit the aircraft]"
And another Air Force officer said as he walked toward another UFO that landed just outside the forest, it felt like he was walking through Jello - - another way of say that everything moved in Slow Motion, and that Time had slowed down
Sgt. Penniston’s description, [...] he says as they walked toward the landed Craft, "We started feeling Static Electricity on our skin, and on our hair, and on our clothes. One of the unusual effects is that once we entered this immediate area around the craft, it felt like everything went in Slow Motion. It felt like there was a dragging of time"
What I don't understand is how a human could possible perceive a change in the passage of time, wouldn't the EEG Brain Activity also be affected by it, and thus negate the perception of the time delay? At the end of the day perception (depth, color, touch, hearing, everything) works by comparing what you are perceiving with the background. Maybe this is something similar to the Doppler Effect in sound waves, Gravitational Waves HAVE been proven to exist so it wouldn't be too out of whack to think this "Time Delay" is some kind of "Gravitational Doppler effect". Im saying this because if you could perceive the delay of time inside the aircraft then you would feel like it takes YEARS to go from A to B.
Oh, and this is the moment to point out that Lazar described a "gravitational pocket that isolated the craft from the spacetime surrounding it" so yeah, you're right assuming this technology distorts time or even isolate the craft from the passage of time.
that led me to conclude that Extremely high voltage Static Electricity, like Lightning, distorts Space and Time (Spacetime). Penniston then says their watches later showed the wrong time - - 45 minutes in the past -- confirming again that Extremely high voltage Static Electricity Distorts Time, and is used by some UFOs for transport. He also couldn't see any landing gear under Craft - - so apparently the Craft also used this high voltage Static Electricity for levitation. His buddy who stood farther away said elsewhere in an online testimony that he experienced a space distortion effect, where this area looked like it was miles across rather that just a few feet across - - AGAIN confirming my theory that some UFOs use Extremely high voltage Static Electricity to distort Space and Time (Spacetime) for transport (and apparently also for levitation)
We can actually prove this, by attaching a very finely tuned clock to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vxror-fnOL4. We know that movement itself, of any kind, slows down time, but if the negation of the gravitational pull makes this effect even stronger then we are on the trail.
And this is the moment to point out another thing, very important: Light does not experience the passage of time at all, literally. Because it moves at the Speed of Causality, which could be understood as the "Speed of Time", is not correct to call it that way but it helps me understand what it is and how it works. And yeah, if you move at the Speed of Causality then time "freezes" completely
the white light enveloping the UFO Craft as it takes off is white hot PLASMA , a continuous Extremely high voltage Static Electricity discharge like the white hot Static Electricity discharge of a Lightning bolt / Thunderbolt. The laws of physics in electromagnetism show that electrons, including electrons in a Static Electricity discharge, can be channeled to move in various directions with a magnetic field. So, the UFO's surface could be magnetized to channel the Static Electricity electron plasma to form an envelope of Lightning around the Craft.
Holy shit buddy! I think you're right!
Ok, I finished Part One of your PMs. Im gonna link you two videos that made me think of the possibility that these crafts use water as fuel (Im not gonna fetch the testimonies that associate large masses of water with UFOs sightings because there are a LOT and Im sure you knew about that already)
Theoretically speaking, you can have a substance with Negative Mass, but it MUST be a liquid: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DW7VBrKmLS8
"Punching Water So Hard LIGHT Comes Out - Sonoluminescence": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puVxGnl_3y8&t=1264s
I think that the combination of our ideas leads to some theories that no one is considering.
And this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ugQArIkM8A Go to the "03:40 min" mark. Ning Li is our White Rabbit, and the fact that she disappeared but her company is still cited as active and paying taxes regardless of not launching any product, ever, is our best evidence that she indeed, succeed at creating an anti-gravity device. Maybe the fuel is water at a Boss-Einstein Condensate state moving in a disc, that would explain the shape of the Flying Saucers (and that maybe would mean the Flying Saucers are the USA's UFOs). But the dates dont match.
Ima read your second pm now.

Second PM from [user]

UFOs
from [user] sent 7 hours ago
Here is additional evidence that UFOs distort Space as a transport mechanism. It's from my research and analysis of George Adamski's movie film of a UFO very close above his friend's home. You can clearly see the UFO distorting Space in his film.
When I first learned about Adamski's UFO pictures and contacts I disregarded them as fake ... But then I kept coming across bits and pieces of information that forced me to change my assessment.
One Very Important piece of information came from William Sherwood, the "Father of Optical Photometry", and one of the top optical physicists in the world. He worked at Eastman Kodak Company headquarters in Rochester, NY. He and other scientists there examined the Kodak Kodachrome color movie film of the UFO in 1965 a few feet above Adamski's friend Madelyn Rottifer's home in Silver Spring, MD. He also visited her home to measure the position of the UFO. Here is what he said in his video testimony about his and his fellow Kodak scientists' findings:
“Densitometers, photometers, projection devices of all sorts, electronic devices, everything that you could name that you could use, telephotometers, and so on; the electron microscope was used by a man at Kodak park. Everything pointed to the conclusion that the objects in the film were true, unknown objects, not model objects. And it was taken by Madelyn Exactly as she told us it was.”
His entire testimony can be seen starting at position 7:45 in the following video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QDBmmbqwF8
and continued in this video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdrNKz60BVM
In a letter to Ronald Caswell, William Sherwood later wrote: “When Mr Adamski came to Rochester in March, 1965, I took him to Eastman Kodak Co. and introduced him to scientists and photographic specialists in the optical laboratory. (…) They accepted his films as genuine. A typical comment was: ‘We wouldn’t begin to know how to fake such a film if we wanted to…’.”
A testimony from a scientist with such high credentials as this man
cannot be brushed aside!
The 2nd video above also shows the testimony of a man who worked as a film expert for the United Nations, who analyzed Admski's color film and visited Madyelyn's home where the UFO was filmed. He also determined that the UFO in the film is authentic.
William Sherwood used the distance of the UFO that he determined when he visited Madelyn's home, and the focal length of the movie camera, and the size of the Craft measured on the film, along with a mathematical equation to determine that the Craft was 27 feet in diameter. Here is a collage I made from various frames in the film. It periodically extends and retracts a ball shaped object on the underside of the craft:
https://i.imgur.com/AmY2Zbf.png
One thing that is very noticeable is that the right side of the UFO PERIODICALLY BECOMES DISTORTED AND INCREASED IN LENGTH:
https://i.imgur.com/HKY10bJ.png
The distorted odd-looking UFO shape in parts of the film doesn't conform to the concept that people had, and still have, in their minds of the classical round, symmetrical shape that a UFO should have. And the continually changing shape from the classical round shape to the lopsided unsymmetrical shape with right much longer than left side is even more Bizarre. The vast majority of people would never conceive of a UFO changing shape like this. So, you wouldn't expect someone who wanted to deceive the public by hoaxing a UFO, to create such a ridiculous UFO that doesn't fit in with peoples' pre-conceived notions - it would drastically reduce the chances that people would believe it.
But this distorted shape is exactly what, years later, physicists determined what UFOs must be able to do - - to move at seemingly impossible speeds, and perform seemingly impossible maneuvers (like making split second sharp angle turns at thousands of miles an hour; and stopping from that speed in a split second). Physicists determined the only way a UFO could move this way is if it Distorts Space. Einstein showed it's possible to distort space (with an intense gravitational field for example). The distortion on the right side of Adamski's UFO indicates that it Distorted Space, giving the illusion of the increase in length of the right side.
https://i.imgur.com/HKY10bJ.png
Although this doesn't fit in with the public's pre-conceived notion of what a UFO should look like - - Adamski's Distorted UFO DOES fit in with the concept that physicists later developed to explain how UFOs maneuver by Distorting Space. This, together with the Kodak scientists' determination that the UFO in Adamski's film is authentic, and the United Nations film expert's determination that the UFO in Adamski's film is authentic
is undeniable evidence PROVING that the UFO in Adamski's Film is AUTHENTIC.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdrNKz60BVM

Second Reply to [user]

re: UFOs
to [user] sent 11 minutes ago
George Adamski's movie film of a UFO
Holy shit, thats the most detailed UFO picture Ive ever seen. The three spheres underneath coincide with Lazar's claim. But the shape, the way its designed, look VERY human. What do you think about the "NAZI Bell"? Because if that is real it might have some relation with George Adamski's UFO. The dates between the fall of NAZI Germany and that sighting line up.
One thing that is very noticeable is that the right side of the UFO PERIODICALLY BECOMES DISTORTED AND INCREASED IN LENGTH: https://i.imgur.com/HKY10bJ.png
Now we talking, who would distort fake pictures on purpose? Only undermines credibility. I believe every word of Adamski's interview, but the whole "They wanted us to record them so the people would know" is very fishy. If they wanted people to know they would have landed in the middle of Wall Street.
But this distorted shape is exactly what, years later, physicists determined what UFOs must be able to do [...]. Physicists determined the only way a UFO could move this way is if it Distorts Space. Einstein showed it's possible to distort space [...] The distortion on the right side of Adamski's UFO indicates that it Distorted Space, giving the illusion of the increase in length of the right side.
Yes. Im gonna take a shot and call this "Gravitational Doppler Effect". Because of gravity "curves" light, Gravitational Waves would indeed distort Light around the object affected by them, something akin the Doppler Effect of the distorted Sound coming from a fast moving object. This is truly fascinating, Ive never consider that.
Ok... That was it. I finished both PMs. Main points I added to my "thoughts collection" regarding UFOs:
Dude, again, thanks for these PMs, I loved how you backed up every sentence with links. This is the Way.
Much love and remember: May the Truth escape the Grip of Secrecy.

END OF CITATION

If you make it this far, thank you very much for your time and attention. Only collective thinking leads to collective answers. But keep in mind, these are two nutheads theorycrafting about something that escapes their scientific qualifications. NEVER accept internet stuff as true, but CONSIDER the context and sources so you can ALWAYS make up your own mind.
Peace, Love and Truth.
submitted by RobleViejo to ufo [link] [comments]


2020.09.03 02:34 alexhoug FPS Games on iPad Pro with Keyboard & Mouse

+++
I've been using Shadow for about a month and today was the first time that I tried to use it on my iPad Pro. I have connected a Logitech MX Master 3 and a keyboard (both over bluetooth).
When I launch Call of Duty: Warzone, the mouse works as expected in the menus, but when it comes to the in-game play it requires you to hold down the primary mouse button to look around which doesn't work because that button is also the trigger button.
Has anyone else experience this or found a solve?
Other:
submitted by alexhoug to ShadowPC [link] [comments]


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2020.08.29 16:12 Omenixx Shitty brat tenant who’s my boyfriend’s friend’s girlfriend and how I plan on making her life miserable.

Well hey howdy do! Here’s a story for you.
Me and my boyfriend moved into a house (with a downstairs apartment) a year and a half ago. We were excited, first time moving in together and butterflies and all that dumb crap. WELL, his friend found out we were POTENTIALLY renting the apartment (I didn’t want to) and begged us to rent it to his girlfriend that he claimed was “really cool I’ve been seeing her a while she’s good for 1000k a month I really need this favor you’ll love her. She has a dog (a chihuahua, important). I say no dogs (Love dogs, don’t want a tenant or a tenants dogs), he begs, my boyfriend caves and I cave next. (Found out later they had only been dating two weeks and he lied to us for the sake of banging this girl).
We meet her. I immediately get red flags. I don’t like her something is off - but I don’t want to be that girl who seems petty and catty about other girls. We agree she can move in, she can have the dog, we agree on 1000k a month (about 600 dollars below average renting price in NY). She lets us know she needs to move in sooner than expected. We can’t. We ACTUALLY paid our rent upfront a month early before we moved in to help her out. That was our second good deed mistake.
She’s there for 3 weeks before us and when I finally start moving in ALL HER STUFF is still on my patio (soggy boxes from rain, totes, a bed frame). And I want to set up my new stainless steel patio set I just bought. We text her to ask her to move her stuff in. She goes ballistic telling us to “fuck off and be patient we’re being too aggressive with her.” WELL. It takes her another 4 days to bring her shit in or throw it out.
So over this past year she’s glared at us, won’t say “hi” in passing (she’s entitled to I suppose). She’s put a dog piss soaked mattress cover on MY patio set when she has a tiny one of her own. Recently my boyfriend was in the backyard giving her mail and her dog BIT him. That should have been my final straw. I texted her saying under no circumstances was the dog to be without a leash in the backyard ever. She told me “no I will not so that” so I went outside where she had her fat ass sitting on my patio set and I ripped her fucking face off. I happily made her cry. I wish I made her cry harder. I told her she was lucky I didn’t call animal control (I know I should have, but it’s not the dumb dogs fault it was raised by this cunt).
Since then things are rocky. I can hear her screaming at her boyfriend constantly (at first I felt bad for him, now I think he’s pathetic). We’ve heard her talking about us and asking her boyfriend if we did anything (illegal)??? And if he knew anything he should tell her and they should report us to the police. I’ve never broken a damn law in my life. I had ONE speeding ticket and I’m 32.
Last night was it. Something small just made me snap. I heard her say my name and I had to put my head to a vent and listen. I got “I hope I catch MYNAME down here one day she will (muffed no idea what she said). Haha yea that fucking bitch.”
I just saw red. I grabbed my speakers, turned them up to max and played Die Antwoord into the vents until 9:30 pm because who doesn’t love that when watching a movie.
Today is day one of me doing my weight lifting while she’s home and I will be dropping the weights after every rep. (Things I would never do because I tried to be nice. I kept all workouts to when she was at work.)
I’m genuinely considering on peeing in a cup and throwing in on MY patio set I never get to use because she’s always using it with her boyfriend. (I’m this petty)
Come on guys if you got this far I need you to give me juicy ideas. I want this girl to be miserable. I want her to leave (kicking her out is tricky, NY have laws that heavily protect tenants).
Tell me things I can do every day to make this little cunt’s life harder. Because she deserves it.
*Please no suggestions that could hurt the dog. I hate the little rat, but I don’t want to hurt him or put him in jeopardy of being put down unless he really really hurt someone. Thanks!
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2020.08.28 07:21 saintash I(34f) haven't spoken to my mother (63f) in 6 months.Today she tried to buy me off.

So I would not say I had a good or happy childhood. My parents had a Pretty rough divorce when I was 3. My father remarried to a Woman who was abusive. And My mother Hardly showed up on custody weekends (I spent a good chunk of them with my grandmother.)
Now I have done a TON of emotional digging with my issues and family issues and While i haven't necessarily forgiven , My father for being distant and just letting the abuse happen, why My stepmother was the way she is. Hell even my mother had a pretty shitty childhood her stepmother was addicted to speed pills.
So I try really hard to keep an open mind.
Last year I was working a job that critically underpaid me. It Made me miserable, and I was living with a Really really shitty Roommate. So I made Plans to meet some online friends for the first time up in December, One of which I had a Massive Crush on to get me through the day to day.
Just as I took that job, My stepmother had left for Italy, and my dad raced to help me get a really old car 1998 rav 4 behind her back. Now I had planed to Bike to work 5 miles until winter and hopefully saved up enough by then to get a something. But This was just an Awesome unexpected thing my dad did for me. the Car was in pretty great shape needed a little work but only had 113K miles on it.
My mother was pissed as she had been trying to talk me into a car for years/promising she could help me get one. and with my Father getting me the car to her I was just listening to him and doing what he said.
Cut to a two week before my friends are coming, Two major things happen.
Now of course the week she is coming Is the fucking week My friends are Due in and she wants me to come up and visit I lived In PA, My sister a little upstate from the City in NY. I explain that not only did I Have plans that week , But I'm extra stressed from the Dealing with car accident stuff. My Mother pushes back she wants to see me that I should just blow my friends off one day and just come do a Christmas thing with her and the grand kids.
I don't back down and I meet up With my Online friends, Get drunk tell My friend I like him, He likes me back. We start dating. I visit him in January, we make plans to move in together In June.
Now while I Am making almost nothing at my crappy job, I did get some good PTO time at the start of the year, And now knowing I don't have to save it for all year. I call up my grandmother and offer to come Visit for her Birthday.
I tell my mother I am coming down for My grandmothers the birthday and she wants me to visit my grandmother for the one day and go back to her place 4 hours away from my grandmother.
My mother doesn't get along with my Step-grandpa, they fight a lot. so she doesn't want to stay at my grandparents.
I have no interest going back to her home. As its not only that was going to be a Ton of traveling for me in the 4 days I took off. there are other factors for one my Mothers car is not in the best condition, and has a pretty rough reminder for me in it. to not get into the rougher details, My sister broke the front seat belt shoot up. she holds her phone while driving and isn't a good driver with two hands.
So from January to march she is constantly trying to get me to go back to her house and I'm not interested. I offer to put her up in a cheep motel for a night or two and she instantly starts calling me "money bags"
I'm making 11.50 and hour.
Finally I go to On this trip. and basically she Walked In, Instantly started to make work calls. Upsets my step grandfather. And basically does everything she can to make me Regret Not going back to her house. then turning to me and going "see i told you this would be horrible."
Finally after two days of this I snap and say." she is lucky I'm even talking to her right now." and this Turns into a HUGE fight, where she dramatically threatens to leave, in the middle of the night in her shitty car, my grandma is crying, My step grandpa is ready to throw me out.
My mothers Problems with me are many but the big ones boils down to three things 1) she is mad about the car thing, thinks because my father helped me with the car I jump and do whatever he says.
2) she is Mad i didn't visit her on when she visited my sister, while at the same time and tries to claim I am not giving her credit that her advise about 'finding a man to make me happy'
3)That iim resentful and she can tell because she gave birth to me.
So I basically worked two weeks for this shitty trip and I am fucking done, For my grandmothers sake I play nice for the next morning. i speak Polity and calmly to her when she calls to say she made it home, And I haven't spoken to her since.
she sent a stupid Apology filled with fucking emoticons, saying she didn't mean most of the horrible stuff she said and I haven't responded.
As I said I didn't have a great childhood and there has been times when I distanced myself from my Dad and step mother, gone a few months with out speaking to my mother to calm down. But this one this one I needed a lot of time. I let her know I was alive after I moved, and haven't texted or answered her calls since.
The thing is I know she has a lot of hard times in her life some her fault, some not. She is a lonely woman, who refuses to get therapy, as she grew up with so many people judging her she just believes that he any therapist she talks to will.
Today she sent me a text "I want to send you some money Maybe then you will call me and thank me."
I am just flabbergasted that she doesn't understand why I'm not talking to her, Its not about money I don't want her money she doesn't have any to spare. its how she treats me, then thinks I just should let it go when she says terrible shit to me and I'm incredibly insulted she thinks cause I'm broke she can Pay me to talk to her.
Now my wonderful boyfriend thinks that she is just looking to talk to me and i should keep it simple with a "I'm okay no thanks" if im going to respond to her at all.
TL;DR: My mother ruined my trip to my grandmothers, is now trying to bait me into talking to either by giving me money, or have me respond to that insult.
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2020.08.28 03:48 TitanG40 First time speeding ticket New York State

Hi,
I just received my first speeding ticket in upstate New York. I am not really sure about the process especially now during Corona so I was hoping someone would be able to answer some questions.
  1. Are the traffic courts actually open right now? My court is Glen Town Court. I know that in MA the traffic courts aren't open to the public and you handle everything in the mail. Is that the same in NY?
  2. After I plea not guilty does the court respond to me to set up a new date or do I go to the courthouse at the set time on my ticket? I saw some stuff online and my friends said that if you plea not guilty they will send you a letter with a new date and time where you should show up, but I have received mixed answers.
  3. Do I need to show up at the set time on the ticket or can I show up anytime that day? My time is 7 pm and I am several hours away so it would be a lot easier if I could show up earlier.
  4. Do the courts ever rule not guilty or do they always just try and give a plea deal? I have read a ton of people who were either actually guilty or actually innocent receiving plea deals from the prosecutor without actually arguing in front of the judge, but never seen someone ruled not guilty.
Thanks in advance.
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2020.08.26 21:04 Watchdogs66 Our "Drive to 245": The Twenty-Fourth Step

The Drive To 245: Deprive the GOP In 25
 
In 2014 and with 234 House seats, the NRCC launched the “Drive to 245” campaign for the 2014 midterms, which focused on securing 245 seats for the 114th Congress. At the close of the midterms, they ended up picking up 13 seats, putting their new majority to 247 seats, 2 seats above the goal. For the majority of this election cycle, we had at least 234 House seats to start with, until a turncoat in disguise switched to the GOP in December 2019 (get fucked Jeff Van Drew) and we lost one of our districts in a May 2020 special election (get your act together Christy Smith). Despite these setbacks, getting to 245 seats in the next election is possible for us to achieve, if we are smart about it.
 
In late November 2018, I began by compiling an initial list of 25 potential districts that could give us the necessary gains for us to make the necessary net gain of 10 seats to fulfill our “Drive to 245” campaign goal. I then outlined the state representatives and state senators that we have on our side that live within (or at least represent a good portion of) the identified districts in the second step, which was split into parts one and two. These local officials are often our first line of offense when it comes to selecting appropriate candidates to flip GOP congressional districts, as these people often start out with significant amounts of name recognition (at least compared to most political novices), developed campaign infrastructures, and established donor networks to draw on. In the third step, I explored four different ways that these state representatives and state senators can help promising candidates build a solid platform to flip these 25 districts, even if we are not able to recruit any of these seasoned individuals themselves. I then proceeded to identify every individual local county Democratic organization within in each of these 25 districts to determine how much of a viable network exists towards flipping any of these districts, and whether any of them appear to be fledgling and underfunded, which was split into parts one, two, and three. I then proceeded to draw up rough battle plans to recruit the best candidates that are suitable towards making the necessary gains for the proposed 245 House seats, which I covered in parts one, two, and three. Since then, I updated my list of 25 districts to better reflect the developments that have occurred since November 2018, as well as the candidates from our end that have filed in those districts. After that, I covered updated game plans for the updated 25 districts, which was again split into parts one, two, and three. Another comprehensive update to the list was conducted in early July to account for the GOP retirements, lack of Democratic candidate recruitment for several districts, and other remarkable events that have occurred, all of which have been documented in said update. From there, more detailed plans were made that illustrated the overall status of the Democratic campaigns for each of these districts, which can be found in parts one, two, three, and four. These plans also highlighted which candidates appeared to have the most organized campaigns for each district, and which ones out of these strongest candidates needed the most assistance in terms of fundraising. Donation plans were also made that could sufficiently help out these struggling candidates, if every active user of this subreddit took part. After that, I provided a detailed plan for defending our 5 most endangered Democratic incumbents for this cycle. I next discussed the different methods that volunteers can help out a campaign, and what good campaigns should provide in such activities to optimize their voter outreach effectiveness, both of which can be found in parts one and two. In October 2019, I then provided another comprehensive review of the 25 districts that are the most likely to flip blue and the ideal strategies to accomplish that goal, which can be found in parts one, two, three, and four. After that, I provided an update on the overall status of our top 5 most endangered incumbents, and posted a rescue plan to help out the least financially stable campaigns, both of which can be found in this post. My next step provided day-by-day calendars highlighting volunteer events within the targeted 25 districts that helped participants develop vital Democratic infrastructure in those areas. These calendars, which ran from October 31 to January 15, can be found in parts one, two, three, and four. In late January, I gave a third update on the top 5 incumbents to defend this cycle. At the start of February 2020, I gave a fresh analysis of the 25 districts with the best chances of going blue, which are provided in parts one, two, three, and four. I then jumped to a day-by-day calendar of volunteer events of congressional campaigns operating throughout the 25 districts, which was originally planned to be released in four parts. However, the quickly deteriorating COVID-19 situation has forced this series to be suspended halfway through this step. The two calendars provided in this step, which ran from February 7 to March 19, can be found here and here. In April 2020, I provided an updated study of the 25 districts with the highest chances of flipping as well as the optimal strategies for each of these districts, which was delivered in parts one, two, three, and four. Later in May 2020, I provided another update on the top 5 incumbents to defend this cycle and their performances. I subsequently proceeded in June 2020 to provide a list of the competitive state house and state senate districts that overlapped one of the 30 congressional districts that this series targeted or defended, which was delivered in parts one, two, three, and four. Starting in late July 2020, I provided an updated perspective of the 25 districts with the highest chances of flipping as well as the optimal strategies for each of these districts, all of which were provided in parts one, two, three, and four. Shortly thereafter in August 2020, I provided a fresh update on the campaign status of the top 5 incumbents to defend this cycle. From there, I supplied a fresh view on the status of our campaigns in competitive state house and state senate districts that overlapped one of the 30 congressional districts that was targeted or defended by this series, which was given in parts one, two, three, and four.
 
This step will cover the vote-by-mail formats for each district targeted or defended by this series and also cover the necessary steps that our campaigns should follow to have their supporters’ votes properly counted. Due to the fact that most voters have the ability to participate in vote by mail format, a congressional campaign needs to properly adjust their messaging and get out the vote efforts to accommodate its state’s vote by mail schedule. In particular, each congressional campaign needs to devote most of their time contacting their supporters to turn in their ballots starting from the first day that their state sends out their ballots. Almost all of said campaign’s outreach efforts need to be completed by that day, since many voters will have already made up their minds by then and submitted their choices to the drop off boxes. A campaign that fails to take these steps in a timely manner will not be able to get the required amount of Democratic ballots returned to achieve victory in November. The CA-25 May special election is an example of how crucial these efforts are in congressional campaigns. In a post-mortem report of her campaign, I noted that Christy Smith’s CA-25 campaign did not receive significant GOTV support until the special election's final weeks. I also noted that the groups which are the most effective at getting out the vote should have started on April 13, the first day that the ballots were mailed out for that district. This contributed to the result that a significant amount of Democratic ballots were not returned and thus became a considerable factor behind our 9.8 point loss in the special election.
With the importance of adjusting to the vote-by-mail formats highlighted, this step will now present a calendar highlighting the important dates for the congressional campaigns operating within the 30 districts discussed by this series to follow. Each campaign has a different set of important dates, so this calendar should be thoroughly read to avoid any confusion.
There will also be a summary section at the end of this post to provide an update on the House campaigns that donations have the most impact on. If you have money to spare for increasing our House majority, I highly suggest taking a look at this section.
 
August 31: Pennsylvania requires an application for those wishing to vote by mail. Fortunately, no excuse is required for an application to be processed. Christina Finello and Eugene DePasquale’s campaigns should start contacting their supporters with instructions for filling out such applications, as the entire application process should be given a two-week period to ensure proper processing.
September 5: Georgia, Michigan, Texas, Virginia, Indiana, and Oklahoma require an application for those wishing to vote by mail. For Georgia, Michigan, Virginia, and Oklahoma, no excuse is required for an application to be processed. For Texas and Indiana, an excuse other than COVID-19 is unfortunately required. A photo ID is also necessary in Texas and Oklahoma for the application to be processed. Campaigns for Lucy McBath, Carolyn Bourdeaux, Hillary Scholten, Jon Hoadley, Bryant Cameron Webb, and Kendra Horn should start contacting their supporters with instructions for filling out such applications, as the entire application process should be given a two-week period to ensure proper processing. Mike Siegel, Wendy Davis, Sri Preston Kulkarni, Gina Ortiz Jones, Candace Valenzuela, Donna Imam, and Christina Hale’s campaigns should also start contacting eligible absentee voters for absentee applications as well. Finally, Mike Siegel, Wendy Davis, Sri Preston Kulkarni, Gina Ortiz Jones, Candace Valenzuela, Donna Imam, and Kendra Horn’s campaigns should inform mail voters about the photo ID requirement.
September 10: Illinois and Florida require an application for those wishing to vote by mail. Fortunately, no excuse is required for an application to be processed. A photo ID is also necessary in Florida for the application to be processed. Betsy Dirksen Londrigan, Alan Michael Cohn, and Margaret Good’s campaigns should start contacting their supporters with instructions for filling out such applications, as the entire application process should be given a two-week period to ensure proper processing. Alan Michael Cohn and Margaret Good’s campaigns should also inform mail voters about the photo ID requirement.
September 14: Pennsylvania begins mailing out ballots on that day. Christina Finello and Eugene DePasquale’s campaigns should start contacting their supporters to fill their ballots and submit them from this day forward. Every single outside group needs to converge on PA-01 and PA-10 (which are the districts that they are running in) to get these two campaigns over the finish line.
September 15: Ohio and Nebraska require an application for those wishing to vote by mail. Fortunately, no excuse is required for an application to be processed. Kate Schroder and Kara Eastman’s campaigns should start contacting their supporters with instructions for filling out such applications, as the entire application process should be given a two-week period to ensure proper processing.
September 18: New York requires an application for those wishing to vote by mail. Fortunately, no excuse is required for an application to be processed if COVID-19 fears are cited. Nancy Goroff, Jacqueline Gordon, Anthony Brindisi, and Dana Balter’s campaigns should start contacting their supporters with instructions for filling out such applications, as the entire application process should be given a two-week period to ensure proper processing.
September 19: This is basically the series’ D-Day, as Georgia, Michigan, Texas, Virginia, Indiana, New Jersey, and Oklahoma begin mailing out ballots on that day. Campaigns for Lucy McBath, Carolyn Bourdeaux, Hillary Scholten, Jon Hoadley, Bryant Cameron Webb, Amy Kennedy, and Kendra Horn should start contacting their supporters to fill their ballots and submit them from this day forward. Mike Siegel, Wendy Davis, Sri Preston Kulkarni, Gina Ortiz Jones, Candace Valezuela, Donna Imam, and Christina Hale’s campaigns should also do the same for their supporters who were eligible to receive an absentee ballot. Outside groups should also begin operating in GA-06, GA-07, MI-03, MI-06, TX-10, TX-21, TX-22, TX-23, TX-24, TX-31, VA-05, IN-05, NJ-02, and OK-05, which are the districts that said campaigns are working in. Given that there are plenty of districts for groups to choose from, there is no excuse for any allied GOTV organization not to start taking action from this day forward.
September 20: South Carolina requires an application for those wishing to vote by mail. Unfortunately, an excuse other than COVID-19 is unfortunately required. What is worse is that all absentee ballots must be signed by a witness signature. Joe Cunningham’s campaign should start contacting eligible absentee voters for absentee applications, as the entire application process should be given a two-week period to ensure proper processing.
September 24: Illinois and Florida begin mailing out ballots on that day. Campaigns for Betsy Dirksen Londrigan, Alan Michael Cohn, and Margaret Elizabeth Rowell Good should start contacting their supporters to fill out their ballots and submit them from this day forward. Outside GOTV groups should also participate in IL-13, FL-15, and FL-16, which are the districts that the three campaigns are working to flip.
September 25: Montana requires an application for those wishing to vote by mail. Fortunately, no excuse is required for an application to be processed. Kathleen Williams’ campaign should start contacting supporters with instructions for filling out such applications, as the entire application process should be given a two-week period to ensure proper processing.
September 29: Ohio and Nebraska start mailing out their ballots on that day. Kate Schroder and Kara Eastman’s campaigns should begin contacting their supporters to fill out their ballots and submit them from this day forward. Outside GOTV groups also need to turn their attention to OH-01 and NE-02 (which are the districts that they are running in) to get these two campaigns over the finish line.
October 2: New York begins mailing out ballots on that day. Campaigns for Nancy Goroff, Jacqueline Gordon, Anthony Brindisi, and Dana Balter should start contacting their supporters to fill out their ballots and submit them from this day forward. Allied GOTV groups should also begin operating in NY-01, NY-02, NY-22, and NY-24 (the four New York districts that these campaigns are running in) to maximize our chances of victory there.
October 3: California begins mailing out ballots on that day. Phil Arballo’s campaign should start contacting supporters to fill out their ballots and return them from this day forward. Our national GOTV groups should also turn their attention in CA-22 in order to get the most out of kicking out Devin Nunes in that district.
October 4: South Carolina begins mailing out absentee ballots on that day. Joe Cunningham’s campaign should start contacting supporters to fill out their absentee ballots (if they were eligible to receive one) and return them from this day forward. Democratic GOTV groups should also begin turning their attention to SC-01 to achieve the best chances of holding this district.
October 9: Montana begins mailing out ballots on that day. Kathleen Williams’ campaign should begin contacting supporters to fill out and return their ballots, starting from this day. GOTV groups should start operating hard in Montana, as MT-AL is a district that needs every single Democratic effort working on it in order to have a decent chance of flipping.
October 12: Colorado begins mailing out ballots on that day. Diane Mitsch Bush’s campaign should begin contacting supporters to fill out and return their ballots, starting from this day. Allied GOTV groups should start operating in CO-03 to maximize our chances of flipping this district.
October 13: Utah begins mailing out ballots on that day. Ben McAdams’ campaign should begin contacting supporters to fill out and return their ballots, starting from this day. Democratic GOTV group need to begin their efforts in UT-04 for us to get over the finish line in this district.
 
And now we come to another update of the list of Democratic campaigns to donate to at this point. In the eighteenth through twenty-first steps, I highlighted certain districts where donations would be the most effective for maximizing our post-2020 majority. Since then, the Democratic nominees for all of the districts targeted by this series have been selected. However, there are still quite a few districts that currently warrant our attention. The key districts listed below will be thus be split into two tiers. The primary difference between these two tiers is that donations should only be made to the campaigns operating in Tier 2 districts if the quarterly recommended amounts have been made to every single Tier 1 district at first. This requirement is to ensure that every Democratic nominee will have a sufficient amount of campaign funds to run a competitive campaign. For Tier 1 districts, there will also be a suggested donation amount for those of us with $100 to donate, which has been a commonly cited available amount to donate to competitive races this cycle. The races that I have selected will have a donation link to the Democratic nominee for anyone wishing to provide financial assistance to these campaigns.
The updated list of races to donate to, by order of priority:
Tier 1:
TX-31. The Democratic nominee, Donna Imam, is definitely having serious fundraising difficulties, as she is currently the only nominee in this series that has not even broken the $500,000 fundraising mark at this point. According to the Q2 fundraising reports, Donna Imam has only raised $249,274, while her GOP opponent, John Carter, has raised $1,568,704. There’s also the fact that she spent most of her resources to resolve a rather lengthy runoff. Now this district is rated Likely Republican and is considered to be a reach. However, MJ Hegar’s infrastructure built from her 2018 run will definitely be up and running because of her current Senate run. If Donna Imam received enough donations to have her break the $1 million fundraising mark by the end of September, then I think she can improve MJ Hegar’s 2018 margins.
Suggested Donation Amount: $35 $43 Recommended Quarterly Amount: $691 $841 Donna Imam’s Campaign Website: https://www.votefordonna.com/ Donna Imam’s Donation Page: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/donnaimamtx
PA-01. The Democratic nominee, Christina Finello, is still highly strapped for cash due to the Democratic primary stumbles earlier this cycle. Christina Finello has only raised $501,826, while her GOP opponent, Brian Fitzpatrick, has raised $2,741,797, according to the Q2 reports. Although the fundraising gap, is slightly smaller, it is still massive in a race that is rated Lean Republican. So donations there have a huge impact in getting Christina Finello’s campaign there up to speed and will improve our chances of flipping Pennsylvania back to blue in November.
Suggested Donation Amount: $27 $28 Recommended Quarterly Amount: $523 $536 Christina Finello’s Campaign Website: https://www.finelloforcongress.com/ Christina Finello’s Donation Page: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/christina-finello-web
FL-15. This race has certainly picked up quite a lot of attention in the last couple of weeks. The Democratic nominee, Alan Michael Cohn, has raised a total of $579,811 in his pre-primary report, who is facing Scott Franklin, who is slightly leading him in fundraising with a pre-primary fundraising total of $587,441. The GOP electorate is somewhat divided after the district’s incumbent, Ross Spano, lost his primary to Scott Franklin. The small fundraising gap between Alan Michael Cohn and Scott Franklin can be easily closed if enough donations promptly went to Alan Michael Cohn’s campaign. This in turn would allow Alan Michael Cohn to have a strong chance of flipping this currently Lean Republican race in November.
Suggested Donation Amount: $24 $29 Recommended Quarterly Amount: $470 $573 Alan Michael Cohn’s Campaign Website: https://alancohnforcongress.com/ Alan Michael Cohn’s Donation Page: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/cohn-for-congress-website
TX-10. The Democratic nominee, Mike Siegel, is another candidate that is falling behind in fundraising, with Mike Siegel only raising $886,374 to the GOP incumbent Michael McCaul’s $2,460,465 in the Q2 reports. There is also the fact that Mike Siegel recently came out of a lengthy runoff and is thus short on resources in this Lean Republican race. Right now, I believe that this particular race is underrated, and if more donations head towards Mike Siegel’s campaign, he has a good chance of flipping the district in his second try. I especially recommend this race to progressive Democrats, as they are certainly going to like the platform that he has outlined in his website.
Suggested Donation Amount: $14 Recommended Quarterly Amount: $266 MOVED TO TIER 2 LIST- DONATE THE RECOMMENDED QUARTERLY AMOUNTS TO THE ABOVE THREE CAMPAIGNS FIRST Mike Siegel’s Campaign Website: https://siegelfortexas.org/ Mike Siegel’s Donation Page: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/siegel-for-congress
Tier 2:
MI-03. So now we have reached the races where only the rich mortals should pay attention to at this moment. It will be assumed that anyone considering these Tier 2 races have already made the recommended quarterly amounts to the above three campaigns. Anyone else should just skip to the end of this step to keep things simple. The presumptive Democratic nominee, Hillary Scholten, is not in the best position in this Lean Republican race. Her GOP opponent in this open seat race is Peter Meijer, who has outraised Hillary Scholten so far in the pre-primary reports, $1,507,966 to $1,044,918. We thus need to help Hillary Scholten close the fundraising gap between herself and Peter Meijer in the next several months. Boosting up Democratic turnout in this district also improves our chances of winning the Presidential and Senate races in Michigan by improving the infrastructure in a traditionally conservative area. This means that donating to Hillary Scholten’s campaign is a good choice in terms of providing efficient benefits up and down the ballot.
Hillary Scholten’s Campaign Website: https://www.hillaryscholten.com/ Hillary Scholten’s Donation Page: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/helphillary
CO-03. As I noted earlier in this post, this race currently has a Lean Republican status and is moving in our favor because of GOP nominee Lauren Boebert’s horrendous nature and her successful primary challenge of the GOP incumbent, Scott Tipton. The Democratic nominee, Diane Mitsch Bush, is outraising Lauren Boebert, $1,100,636 to $151,975, according to the Q2 fundraising reports. Boosting up Democratic turnout in this district also improves our chances of winning the Senate race in Colorado by improving the weak infrastructure located in traditionally conservative areas within the district. So donating to Diane Mitsch Bush is another one of the smarter choices in terms of supplying benefits to races up the ballot. REMOVED FROM TIER 2 LIST
Diane Mitsch Bush’s Campaign Website: https://dianeforcolorado.com/ Diane Mitsch Bush’s Donation Page: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/dmb-2020
NY-24. Like most of the above districts, this is a Lean Republican race with serious potential to flip in November. The Democratic nominee, Dana Balter, continues to be outraised by her GOP opponent, John Katko, $1,106,706 to $2,361,413, according to the Q2 reports. Voter persuasion is going to be very important in Dana Balter’s campaign, as thousands of the district’s voters are currently inclined to split their tickets between Joe Biden and John Katko. Dana Balter’s primary objective is to develop her voter outreach in Auburn, Syracuse, and Skaneateles in order to persuade these types of voters to choose Dana Balter this time around. Providing Dana Balter with donations would help her accomplish this goal before the GOP’s attack ads make this impossible to achieve.
Dana Balter’s Campaign Website: https://electdanabalter.com/ Dana Balter’s Donation Page: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/balter-website
TX-24. This particular district will be nationalized to hell and back and is front and center in the efforts of progressive groups to flip red districts rather than just being relegated to deep blue districts. According to the Q2 reports, the Democratic nominee, Candace Valenzuela, is being slightly outraised by the GOP candidate, Beth Van Duyne, in this open seat race that is currently rated as a Tossup, $1,112,226 to $1,431,965. The bulk of the local and national progressive groups are backing Candace Valenzuela in an effort to juice up Democratic turnout in this district. To do this, Candace Valenzuela’s campaign will need to close the fundraising gap to recover from the lengthy runoff that took place earlier this year. It would thus be advantageous for a fresh round of donations to head her way over the next several months, particularly those from progressive Democrats. REMOVED FROM TIER 2 LIST
Candace Valenzuela’s Campaign Website: https://candacefor24.com/ Candace Valenzuela’s Donation Page: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/cd24
 
And thus we come the end of this step. When we come back to this series after the Q3 fundraising reports for every candidate are released on October 15, 2020, a comprehensive review will take place to gauge the progress of the Democratic candidates running in the target districts. So stay tuned! Any corrections or comments are welcome.
IMPORTANT EDIT: After reviewing the July ActBlue fundraising data for several of the districts in question, I would like to announce the following changes to the Tier 1 and Tier 2 donation lists:
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